Random EEnE Stories and Other Crossovers
by half-wit ed-boy
Summary: A collection of one-shots I've done for school. Some of these made my teacher laugh.
1. It's the Ed of the World as we know it!

It's the Ed of the World as We Know It!!

One Friday afternoon, after school had let out for the weekend, Eddy Skipper McGee barged through the front door of his house, tossed his textbook-filled backpack in the closet, plopped down on the couch, and grabbed the remote. While he did this, his parents walked into the living room.

"Hello, son," Eddy's dad said. "How was your day?"

"It was okay," Eddy replied, his eyes fixed on the TV screen.

"Do you have any homework, son?" Eddy's mom asked.

"Yeah, but I'll do it after this show goes off." Eddy's dad leaped back in surprise.

"Now, listen here, young man," he exclaimed. "You know the rules in this house! You're to do your homework BEFORE you watch any TV!"

"I told you, I'd do it after this show goes off!" Eddy's mom immediately grabbed the remote out of Eddy's hand and turned the TV off.

"You know what?" Eddy's mom asked. "You're grounded! No TV, video games, or computer for a week! Now get your butt in your room and do your homework!!"

"Fine," Eddy screamed as he drug his backpack into his room and plopped down on his circular bed. "Oh, well. They'll just forget they grounded me like they did the last time! Heck, I wasn't supposed to get on the computer yesterday and they let me!" Eddy opened up his math book. "I don't see why I have to do homework! The sun's just gonna expand and kill us all! In fact, I should live every day like it's the last day of my life!" Suddenly, Eddy grinned. "Yeah, I should do that!"

Eddy slammed his book shut, tossed his backpack in the floor and ran back in the kitchen where his mom was doing dishes and his dad was reading the paper.

"Mom, dad, after much thought, I've decided not to do my homework!" His parents stared at him in astonishment and rage.

"But you have to," his mom responded. "If you don't you'll fail school and we'll ground you so long, you'll forget the names of the other kids!"

"But mom," Eddy whined. "The sun's just gonna expand and kill us all!"

"But nothing," Eddy's dad said. "The sun's not gonna do that for a long, long time!"

"But what if they're wrong! What if it expands tomorrow?"

"Just drop it, Eddy," Eddy's mom said. "Now, your father and I have a business meeting this weekend and we're leaving you here. You can invite your friends over, but before you do anything, do your homework first!"

"When are you guys leaving?"

"Actually we're leaving right now. Be good, do what your mother asked, and don't destroy the house!!" And with that, Eddy's mom and dad rushed out the door, got in the car, and drove away.

"Homework?" Eddy asked himself. "Nah! I'm gonna make out a list of all the things I've always wanted to do and I'm gonna do them tomorrow! I'm gonna get started right now!!" Eddy grabbed a pen and paper and ran back into his room.

The next day was an ordinary Saturday. Ed, one of Eddy's best friends, was making paper airplanes and throwing them; Double D, his other best friend, was sweeping off his porch; Carrie, Ed's girlfriend, was eating her mail; Johnny was having a staring contest with Plank, his 2x4 plywood pal; Rolf was playing with his yo-yo; Kevin was talking to Nazz; May, Carrie's best friend, was resting on the couch after a night of scientific research; and Sarah and Jimmy were playing knights and dragons. Eddy ran outside holding a long list and strolled up to Double D.

"Greetings, Eddy," Double D said. "What's that paper in your hand?"

Eddy replied with smacking the broom from Double D's hand. "This is the list of everything I've always wanted to do! I'm living life to the fullest today, Sockhead!!"

"And why are you doing that?"

Ed overheard them and ran over to his friends. "Yeah, Eddy, what's going on? Has buttered toast gone extinct!?"

"No, Ed, I was just thinking the other day, the sun's eventually going to expand and kill us all, so I've decided to live my life to the fullest!"

"But Eddy, the sun isn't going to expand for a long, long time!"

"Well, they don't know that! It could expand tomorrow! Now, if you guys will excuse me, I'm going to do the first thing on my list!"

"And, what, may I ask, is that?" Double D asked.

"Are you going to live a life of Riley?" Ed asked dumbly.

"No, Burhead, I'm gonna go punch Kevin in the face!" As Eddy ambled towards Kevin, Carrie joined Ed and Double D.

"Where's George Washington going?" She asked.

"Eddy's going to beat up Kevin!" Ed answered.

"YAY!! DOWN WITH THE BRITISH!!" Carrie cheered.

Meanwhile, Kevin was still talking with Nazz.

"Man, am I glad I'm not a dork!" Kev told the blonde.

"HEY, BAZOOKA-CHIN!!" Eddy shouted.

"What do you want, you…." WHAP!! Eddy punched Kevin right in the face. "Ouch!! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Kevin roared in anger.

"Ha, ha, I'm tougher than you are!!" Eddy bragged as he walked away.

"Are you okay, Kevin?" Nazz asked the red-hatted jock.

Instantly, Kevin regained his composure. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Aren't you going to do something?"

"Nah, I'm in a good mood today," Kev said, leaning against a tree. "I'm feeling expressive, so I'll let Dorky off the hook."

"Wow, that's really nice, Kevin!"

"Yeah, just, just don't tell him, okay."

Eddy walked back over to his friends. Double D was staring at him in amazement, Ed was playing with his lower lip, and Carrie was laughing and pointing up at the sky.

"What's wrong with her?" Eddy asked when he saw Carrie.

"What's _right_ with her?" Double D said. "Anyway, what's next on that list?"

"Hire an agent, boys and Carrie, because we're going to rent R-rated movies!" Eddy announced.

And so, the Eds, followed by Carrie who was still looking up at the sky and laughing, went to the video store, which was conveniently next to the candy store.

"Grab any movie you want," Eddy told his friends. Ed grabbed a handful of gory, horror movies and gave them to Eddy. Double D merely stood at the door and Carrie stuck her face on the window and looked at the sky. Eddy grabbed a bunch of movies from the 70s and threw them in the pile of tapes.

"Eddy, what are these movies about?" Double D asked.

"Beats the heck outta me!"

"One is about a killer that invades your dreams and kills you with a glove with blades on it," Ed answered. "And this one's about a guy in a hockey mask that hacks people to pieces with his machete!"

"Eddy, the cashier won't let you get these! You're too young!"

"No, Double D," Ed said. "We're four young!!"

"Just follow my lead, Sockhead." Eddy put the videos on the counter. The cashier looked at the tapes and looked at Eddy.

"Hey," he said. "You're just a kid! You can't get these!! They're R-rated!"

"I'm not a kid!" Eddy protested. "I'm, uh, one of Santa's elves! I'm really 52!!"

"Oh, okay then. That'll be ten bucks, sir!" Eddy paid the guy and walked out the door with Ed, Double D, and Carrie.

"Wow, George Washington," Carrie said. "I didn't know you were one of Santa's elves!"

"Me either," Ed said.

"I'm not one of Santa's elves." Carrie stared at Eddy suspiciously.

"Hey, if you're an elf, why aren't your ears pointy?"

"Carrie!"

"And why don't you have bells on your shoes?"

"Carrie!!"

"And shouldn't you be wearing a silly hat?"

"CARRIE!!" Eddy screamed.

"What?"

"I'm NOT one of Santa's elves!!"

"But, but, five seconds ago you were!!" Eddy just stared at Carrie, unsure of how to respond. After a few seconds, Eddy pulled out his list.

"Okay, I'm going to go do the next things on my list! I'll meet you guys later!" Eddy ran off.

Later, Eddy is at the school throwing toilet paper on the roof. After that, Eddy tried to get a kiss from a supermodel, but she slapped him. Next, Eddy ran inside his house and came back with a carton of eggs. He then walked into May's yard and started throwing them at her house. Double D saw Eddy doing this and he ran towards him.

"Eddy, no!!"

While Double D tried to stop Eddy from egging May's house, May was sitting on her couch reading a book titled _Advanced Molecular Physics._ Suddenly, she heard a tapping noise on her windows and door. She set her book down and looked outside. What she saw made her furious! She stormed to the front door and opened it.

"Eddy," she screamed. "Discontinue bombarding my dwelling with your poultry eggs or else I'll…" SPLAT!! Eddy nailed May right in the face with an egg. Eddy didn't do it on purpose, but once he realized what he did, he fell on the ground and let out a loud cackle. Carrie walked up to May and began eating the yolk off her face.

"Yolky," Carrie said. May stared at her friend angrily, and then wiped the yolk off her face.

"Carrie…," she started. "Just tell Eddy to cut it out or I'll remove his internal organs." After saying that, May went back inside.

"George Washington," Carrie shouted. "May says to cut out the organ so you can be forced to learn how to play it!!"

"Oh, my gosh," Eddy said. "I almost forgot the last thing on my list! C'mon, Carrie, let's go get Sockhead and Monobrow!"

"But I don't know a Sockhead or a Monobrow!"

"Just follow me!" Eddy and Carrie ran across the street to Double D's house where Double D was sitting on the front step with Ed.

"Hey, guys," Eddy said. "I'm throwing a Last Day on Earth party, and I'm inviting you guys and everyone in the cul-de-sac!"

"It's party-time, Double D!" Ed yelled.

"But Eddy, the sun won't expand for a long time!"

"Says you!"

"First of all, Eddy, the sun doesn't expand. It turns into a red giant and then it shrinks and becomes a white dwarf." Eddy looked at Double D with a confused look on his face.

"So, you're saying the sun becomes a red giant? What is it, a cousin of the Jolly Green Giant?" Eddy laughed and Ed joined in.

"No, Eddy," Double D answered. "It becomes a red giant and then it cools and shrinks and becomes a white dwarf."

"Hold on a sec, Sockhead! So, you're saying the sun just suddenly becomes a giant and then it magically becomes a dwarf? Gees, it's the biggest star in the world, not a freaking Transformer, or something!"

"No, it's not a Transformer, Eddy. The sun is a medium-sized star that…"

"The sun is really big, Double D," Eddy said. "I wouldn't call it medium-sized!" Carrie looked up in the sky again and laughed.

"But Eddy, there are bigger stars in the…"

"Earth to Edd, the sun is the biggest star in the world!! Now let's drop the subject and hand out invitations to my party. I want everyone invited but the Kankers and that pink-haired witch freak that's always stalking Double D. We'll meet back at six." Ed and Carrie saluted Eddy and ran off to hand out invitations and Double D just sighed and walked away.

Later, Eddy had ordered pizza, put up decorations, installed some disco lights around the mirror ball hanging in his room, and bought several bottles of soda. The guests had already arrived and everyone was having a good time. Rolf had formed a conga line, Carrie was laughing at something in the sky, Ed was eating snacks, and Eddy was just trying to look cool. Double D walked into Eddy's room.

"So, Sockhead, I bet you're glad we lived life to the fullest today, huh?" Double D just frowned.

"Hey, Ed, look at this," Carrie said. Ed looked up and started laughing with Carrie.

"Okay, what have you been laughing at all day, Carrie?" Double D asked.

"Mr. Sun is getting fatter!" Carrie replied.

"Yeah," Ed chuckled. "The sun needs to go to Jenny Craig!" Double D looked up in the sky and gasped in amazement. The sun really was getting bigger, and turning red. Seeing his friends acting weird, Eddy went over to where they were standing.

"What are you three staring at?" He asked. "Is the pizza here yet?" Eddy looked up and his mouth dropped after he saw the sun expanding right before his very eyes!

"Oh…my….gosh!!" Double D said.

"Cool!" Ed said as trees suddenly burst into flames and metal poles melted.

"In your face, Sockhead!" Eddy bragged.

All the kids suddenly notice that it's getting very warm, even in Eddy's air-conditioned room.

"Rolf must open a window, as it is getting hotter than…" Rolf then sees the sun. "Run for your lives!! The sun is going to devour the Earth like a meatball!!" All the kids then run outside, screaming. The Eds follow along with Carrie.

"I was right and you were wrong!" Eddy sang. "I was right and you were wrong!" Suddenly, the houses catch fire and the pavement begins to melt.

"Um, Eddy, WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS!!" Double D screamed.

"Yeah, bigger, fatter problems," Carrie giggled.

"I'm gonna roast some wieners," Ed said as he pulled a pack of hot dogs out of his pocket, stuck them on a stick, and held them over Eddy's burning mailbox.

"Well, I guess it is pointless to do homework and put off doing really cool stuff because…because…" Before Eddy could finish, he, along with everyone else in the cul-de-sac, passed out due to the extreme heat.

_The ED_


	2. Dropdead Edboys

**Drop-Dead Ed-boys**

Note: It wasn't meant to be finished, but if anyone is interested in a continuation of this tale, let me know.

"Who's that handsome lookin' guy?" Ed asks, peering into the casket.

"That's you, ya lug nut!" Eddy snaps.

"Oh," Ed replies before thinking for a few seconds. "Eddy, am I dead?"

"No duh, Sherlock! What was your first deduction?"

"Aren't you two the least bit freaked-out by this!?" Double D asks after phasing into the room through the floor. "We're attending our own funerals for Pete's sake!!"

"Lighten up, Sockhead. You don't see Carrie freaking out." Just as Eddy finishes speaking, Carrie phases through the wall.

"This is fun!!" She squeals. "I don't ever have to waste time figuring out how to open a door again!"

"Oh, how did we ever get into this mess? It's bad enough our parents are probably grieved to death over us!" Double D sobs.

"There, there, Double D," Ed says, comforting his friend. "Look on the bright side, WE HAVE GHOST POWERS!!" Ed starts running around the room of sobbing parents, phasing through everything he comes in contact with. Eddy chuckles a little and peers into his casket.

"At least I'm dressed decent," he murmurs with a smile on his face.

"Hey, I just realized something," Carrie says. "I can finally see what the boy's bathroom looks like without people screaming at me!" Without wasting a second, Carrie floats into the boy's bathroom right behind Kevin.

"Boy I'm glad those dorks won't be around to scam us anymore!" He says as the door closes behind him. Suddenly the urinal flushes on its own, scaring the jock out of his shorts. He turns around, his heart beating faster than it did during the Peach Creek/Lemon Brook football game. He looks all over the bathroom; no one is there. Suddenly, one by one, the other urinals flush by themselves.

"I'm getting out of here, man!" Kevin shouts, running out of the funeral home.

"Hey, guys!" Carrie yells. "There are waterfall machines in here! Did anyone see where that kid with the green shirt and red hat went to? He was here one second and then he ran away for some reason."

Eddy face turns red as he covers his mouth, trying to hold in his laughter.

"AREN'T YOU GUYS THE LEAST BIT DISTURBED BY THE FACT THAT WE'RE GHOSTS!!" Double D screams at the top of his lungs, no one hearing him but his three undead friends.

"Nope," Eddy replies nonchalantly.

"No way, Hosea!" Ed yells while playing with his shoelaces.

"I don't even know what that word means…" Carrie says, her head phased through the boy's bathroom door.

Later in the service, the Eds and Carrie decide to sit down and rest for a moment, so they take their seats in the last row. All around them are grieving friends and family members. Rolf, the Eds' blue-haired foreign friend is sitting in front of them, crying his eyes out.

"Rolf is riddled with guilt over the death of the crazy Ed-boys and the one-brick-shy-of-a-full-load Carrie-girl," he says, blowing his nose on his pet pig, who was sitting beside him.

"I thought attending my own funeral would be more exciting, but I'm bored to death!" Eddy groans.

"But you're already dead, Eddy!" Ed exclaims.

"Shut up, Ed!"

"What I don't get is how we wound up like this in the first place," Double D says. "I know we're always getting into trouble, but this is way beyond anything that's happened to us!"

"Well, Sockhead, I've got nothing better to do, so here's exactly what happened…."

**Chapter 1**

It was a beautiful, sunny, July afternoon in Peach Creek on the day Ed, Eddward, or Double D, Ed, and Ed's girlfriend Carrie died in that bizarre accident. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, the birds were singing, and the Eds were sitting on the sidewalk, trying to, as usual, come up with a scam.

"Relish the fine, summer's day, Eddy. Observe the solitude of the cul-de-sac, the aroma of fresh-cut grass-…"

"IT STINKS!!" Eddy screamed, interrupting his friend, Double D. "I'm bored!"

"I'm not wearing my underwear!" Ed proudly declared. As soon as his two friends heard him say this, they scooted a few more inches away from Ed as fast as they could without getting a pavement burn on their buttocks.

"Um, Ed, I know I'm going to regret asking this, but why aren't you wearing your underwear?" Double D asked.

"Because Carrie needed it for something."

"Ed, why on Earth would Carrie need your underwear?" Double D asked. Ed just shrugged.

Across the street, the Eds spotted Carrie walking out of her house holding Ed's underwear in her arms. She strolled up to a tree and began throwing each pair in it; the branches caught the underpants by the waistbands.

"Carrie, what are you doing?" Double D asks.

"I'm decorating for Thanksgiving! You better start decorating, too! Thanksgiving's only a few days away!"

"But Carrie, Thanksgiving is in November. This is July!" The brainy Ed-boy yelled. Carrie stares at him for a second with a puzzled look on her face.

"I don't get it…" Double D slaps his forehead in disgust.

Right at that moment, Jimmy, another neighbor of the Eds, started walking their way holding some sort of red ticket with gold, sparkly trimmings. He seemed quite proud of it, as he was holding it up to the sunlight and watching it glimmer.

"Good day, Jimmy," Double D said politely. "What have you got there?"

"Hello, Edd! Haven't you heard of the contest at the Candy Store? They've hidden tickets like this one everywhere and each one has a number on them. If you find the one ticket that has the right number on it, you get a box of jawbreakers!" At the word "jawbreakers", the Eds' mouths flooded over with saliva.

"Did you say jawbreakers!?" Eddy asked, jumping at the small boy. Jimmy recoiled in terror.

"Don't hurt me, Eddy!" He screamed, crouched on the ground and his head covered with his arms. Carrie suddenly snatched his ticket from his hands.

"Yay, it's so sparkly!" Eddy then stole it from Carrie.

"I'll give you a dollar for it, Jimmy!" Eddy said.

"Not so fast!" Jimmy grabbed his ticket out of Eddy's hand. "They're not just _any _jawbreakers, oh no! These jawbreakers are supposed to last forever! With just one of those, we'll never need to buy jawbreakers again! You better hurry, Eddy, everyone in the cul-de-sac is after those tickets! Well, I'm off to find some more hidden tickets so I can win that prize and share them with Sarah!" And with that, Jimmy skipped away merrily, not realizing that what he just said would seal the fates of Carrie and the Ed-boys forever.

"Guys, we have to find that winning ticket!!" Eddy yells.

"But Eddy, the chances of us finding that ticket are very slim if everyone in the cul-de-sac is looking for them!" Double D said.

"Well, I figure that if we split up and find some tickets, we'll have a better chance of finding the winning ticket! Of course, Carrie can help, too." Blushing slightly, Eddy pulled Carrie into the group.

"But Eddy, Carrie can barely dress herself in the morning, let alone help us find the tickets! She'd probably eat any she found in the first place!"

"Yes she would, Double D!" Ed exclaimed with a huge grin on his face.

"Not today, Double D!" Carrie said. "I'm saving room for pancakes later on today! AND I LOVE PANCAKES!!" Carrie screamed, her arms thrown into the air. Eddy and Double D stared at her curiously.

"Well, that settles it! Let's go get us some tickets!!"

Eddy led the group towards the playground to begin their search, not realizing that their quest for tickets would soon turn out to be the last jawbreaker crusade they would make in their young lives.


	3. The Showdown

The Showdown

**The Showdown**

**Note: Also not meant to be finished, like Drop-Dead Ed-boys.**

"Well boys, it's almost noon, so let's head outside," Sheriff Eddy says.

He picks up a leather belt and puts it on. Attached to the sides are two overripe gym socks with a water-laden turkey baster shoved in each sock. His deputies, 88-fingers Eddward, as he is called by everyone in town, and Skunk-pits Ed do the same, both of them wielding a water-filled turkey baster.

"I-I don't want to fight, Eddy. I just don't have it in me. I'm a pacifist by nature and…" Double D is cut off by the sheriff before he can finish.

"You're not weaseling your way outta this one, 88-fingers! I need you to help me catch those darn bandits and retake my town! Now, c'mon, you knuckleheads! It's almost noon!"

"E-I-E-I-O!!" Skunk-pits sings as he follows the short sheriff and his sock-hatted deputy out of the jailhouse.

Eddy slowly walks out into the dirt street, pausing before each step; his spurs rattle with each step: _CLANG!! CLANG!! CLANG!! _Eddy stops and sticks a toothpick in his mouth.The townspeople hear his spurs, take one look at the sheriff, and retreat into the buildings, except for a few spectators standing outside of the saloon, Rolf, the foreign railroad worker; Ms. Briefs, the town physician; Pecos Kev, the local cowboy tough-guy who always got into trouble; and Ms. Carrie, one of the saloon girls who often unwittingly caused all sorts of chaos and destruction and getting herself into trouble, "having fun" while doing so. Eddy looks over at Carrie, smiles, and tips his ten-gallon hat.

Double D calls over to his short friend, "Eddy, what's taking you so long? It's one minute 'till noon! Get over here!"

"I'd like to see _you _try to get in a hurry with these stupid boots! No wonder cowboys are bow-legged! They have to walk that way just to lift their feet!" Eddy starts walking towards his friends, straining to lift his feet with each step.

"Look at him waddle, Double D!!" Skunk-pits chuckles. Eddy reaches his friends, but falls over.

"Ha, ha, smooth move, Marshall Dork!" Pecos Kev scoffs while sipping a cold glass of root beer. Eddy picks himself up and dusts himself off.

He glares over at Pecos Kev and then glances at the church clock. As if on command, the minute hand strikes twelve. Suddenly, the clock face opens up and a mechanical bird on a board pops out and says, "Cuckoo!! Cuckoo!! Cuckoo!!" It retreats back inside and the clock closes up again.

"LEAD-BOOT LEE!! I'M CALLIN' YOU OUT!!"

Carrie shakes Ms. Briefs' shoulder and asks, "Hey, May, where is he taking her out to? McDonald's!!"

"Carrie, this is the Old West, therefore there _is _no McDonald's, so be quiet!!" May answers.

After a few seconds of silence, a crash is heard in the general store and Johnny, the salesclerk, is thrown out the window, hogtied by Lead-boot Lee's signature black-dyed rope. The door flies off its hinges and Lead-foot Lee herself, followed by her cronies Malicious Marie and "Ugly" Mean May. Sheriff Eddy smiles and spits his toothpick out as the trio of troublemakers stroll out into the middle of the road. All three of them are sporting the same weaponry as the sheriff and his deputies only their turkey basters are filled with a strange orange liquid.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Tater Tot and his two stooges!" Lead-foot taunts.

"You're time has come, Kankers! I'm putting an end to your crimes right here and now, and collecting that reward from the mayor!"

"Ed-d-d-y, I'm sc-c-c-cared beyond all rational thought," Double D stammers, his knees knocking together.

"Pull it together, Sockhead! It's too late to back down now!" Carrie smiles at Skunk-pits and waves.

"Hi, Ed!!" She shouts.

Ed waves back and replies with, "Hi, Carrie!!"

"The dorks are toast! The Calcified Kankers are one of the most notorious group of outlaws have beaten entire posses and even the military!"

"Did you say toast!? Can I have some toast? Please, please, please!!" Carrie jumps up and down, but Pecos Kev ignores her.

"Well, I guess I figured out why she was almost squished by the clock gears last Tuesday…" Pecos Kev mumbles.

The Calcified Kankers and Eddy and his deputies stare intensely at each other, their arms at their sides, ready to grab their turkey basters and fire at any moment. Skunk-pits Ed makes the first move, but doesn't go for his weapon, but a piece of toast in his pocket. Without losing the intensity in his eyes, he shoves it in his mouth and swallows it. Ed suddenly starts choking because he didn't chew the toast and starts gagging. Eddy ignores his friend and continues staring at Lead-foot Lee. Ed finally stops choking and regains his intensity. Double D begins to sweat nervously and he pulls his derby over his eyes. He peeps out at the terrible trio of troublemakers.

"Draw!!" Sheriff Eddy shouts. He and Ed draw their turkey basters and squeeze water at the foes standing before them.

Double D draws his turkey baster next, covers his eyes, and says, "Tell me if I hit them…" He squeezes, but he unknowingly aims at the ground in front of him.

Eddy and Ed aren't doing so great either. Bursts of water rush by the Kankers' heads. Eddy almost hits Lee, but she tilts her head out of the way in the nick of time. Ed is firing in every direction but straight, missing each of the Kankers by miles. Double D actually hits the ground close to Malicious Marie's toe. Eventually, the trio of law-enforcers' turkey basters go dry. The Kankers are standing on a hill of dirt surrounded by water from their weapons.

"We missed every shot," Double D points out. On the sidelines, May slaps her forehead and Carrie laughs.

"Well girls, looks like it's our turn!" Lee cackles. Marie draws her turkey baster and nails Double D right in the chest. Double D falls to the ground. He tries to get back up, but his arms are stuck to the sides of his body and his back is stuck to the ground.

"Ugh! What is this stuff?" He asks, struggling to free himself.

"It's our Kanker rubber cement!" Lee replies.

"Yeah, and after we cement ya, we're gonna toss you into Quarter Canyon!" Ed and Eddy stare at the outlaws with deadpan faces.

"Way to go, 'Ugly' May! You just gave away our plan!"

"RUN AWAY!!" The sheriff and his remaining deputy turn tail and run down the dirt road. The Kanker sisters fire their rubber cement after them. Eddy refills his turkey baster from a water-filled barrel and returns fire, using his water to block the oncoming orange goop. Ed jumps in the barrel and water splashes everywhere. The Kankers realize they have the lawmen trapped and cease fire.

"Well, I guess since you won't give yourselves up, we'll just have to take a hostage!" The lawbreakers turn toward the group of spectators.

"Uh, Rolf has work to tend to, so goodbye!" Rolf jumps into the spittoon.

Pecos Kev jumps on his bike and rides away. "Later, dudes!!" He yells behind him.

"Well, just two hostages left to choose from! Which one should we take, girls?" Lee asks with a sneer.

"I say we take the girl trying to steal my name!" "Ugly" May says.

"I don't think so!" Ms. Briefs punches the outlaw and sends her flying across the road where she lands back inside Johnny's store. A shelf of molasses falls on top of her. Lee and Marie laugh at their younger sister's misfortune.

Carrie starts jumping up and down and waving her hand in the air. "Oh, oh, I want to play, too! Pick me!! PICK ME!!"

"It's always nice to have a volunteer!" Marie says.

"Come on, Carrie! You're goin' with us!" Lee says, holding her hand out. "Give me your arm." Lee looks at her sisters and grins, but instead of feeling Carrie's arm in her hand, she feels a sharp pain in her forearm. "AAAAHHHHH!! SHE BIT ME!! Get her off, Marie!! GET HER OFF!!"

"Hold still, you crybaby!" Marie grabs Carrie by the hair and pulls with all her might, but all it does is make Carrie bite down harder. In Johnny's shop, the buck-toothed Kanker attempts to get up and help, but she's unable to go out the door because of the shelf glued to her back by the molasses.

"Ed, Eddy!! Carrie's in trouble!!" Double D cries out, unable to free himself from the rubber cement trap. Ed sticks his head out of the barrel.

"Uh, oh! Don't worry, Carrie! Ed is coming!!" Ed tries to crawl out of the barrel, but the barrel tips over. Behind it, Eddy is hiding under his ten-gallon hat. Marie finally pulls Carrie off Marie's arm.

"Yay, that was fun!" Carrie declares.

"That's it! We're heading out! C'mon May!!" Lee drags her sister out of the store and the three of them run off into the desert outside of town. Ed pours water on Double D and the cement washes right off, freeing him. Eddy refills his turkey baster again.

"Let's go, boys! We're going after them!" The sheriff pulls his pants up and runs after the delinquents. 88-fingers Eddward and Skunk-pits Ed refill their weapons and follow.


	4. Diner Disaster

Diner Disaster

**Diner Disaster!!**

**Co-Written by: Ramboss and Wade-man**

The young city of Peach Creek: it's hard to believe how much this city has grown since last summer. Last summer, this humongous city was just a small town that no one knew about, and now, skyscrapers tower over the old suburbs, roads are now longer and branch off into different directions like the veins of a leaf, and just recently, a new diner has opened up called, "Pop's Diner."

The owner of this new eating establishment has taken full advantage of the summertime by hiring several kids and faculty from the local school to help run his business. Yesterday was the due-date for job applications; today is when the new workers begin. Pops himself is ambling down the sidewalk towards his diner, swinging a ring of keys around his finger as he goes. The diner sits on a patch of almost bare ground, nothing on it but dirt and sparse amounts of crabgrass. His diner is old and worn-out; the sky-blue paint is chipping, the walls are cracking, the sign is barely capable of lighting up the words "Pops Diner", and the windows are coated in a fine layer of dust.

Pops himself is a portly man who wears a blue shirt, black pants, and a white apron. The only hair growing on his head is gray while the top of his head is bald. The rest is growing on his forearms. His keys jingle as they twirl around his short, stubby fingers. He smiles as he sees his loyal, brand-new employees standing at the door waiting on him, all of them in the brand-new uniforms issued to them yesterday.

"Well, I'm glad to see all of my employees here on time."

"Just hurry up and unlock the door, yo," an African-American kid wearing glasses and a blue waiter's uniform says in a nasally voice.

Pops unlocks the door and opens it. His employees step in first, but are met with a horrible odor that smells like decaying animals and rotting food. The seats are torn and coated in muck, the walls are tinted a light green from the mold growing on them, and their shoes stick to the floor as they try to lift their feet.

"It reminds me of Ed's basement," a blonde teenage girl exclaims happily.

"All right, all employees line up in front of the cash register!" Pops yells as his employees obediently stand at attention in front of the counter. "Okay, kitchen crew, fall in!" Three people in chef uniforms step out of line. Pops walks up to a blonde kid with six canine-like whiskers growing out of the corners of his mouth. The kid salutes Pops.

"Naruto Uzumaki, ready to go sir!!" he says enthusiastically.

"Well, you're certainly ready to work, aren't you? Well, um, Naruto, do you know how to work a grill, a stove, or an electric skillet?"

"Uh, no, not really…but I can boil water and work a microwave!"

"Great! That's all I needed to know before I let you work in the kitchen!" Pops walks towards the next person in a chef uniform. She has long red hair with her bangs pinned behind her ears by floral hairclips and gray eyes. "And what about you, um…" Pops looks at one of the job applications. "Orihime Inoue! How are you with a stove, grill, or skillet?"

"I love to cook! In fact, I cook all the time for my friends and for myself, but every time I cook, no one seems to be hungry anymore…"

"Good, we have two certified cooks! Just don't burn the kitchen down, please! And our next cook is…Rolf!" Pops walks up to a blue-haired boy with a large chin. "So, can you cook?"

"Yes! Rolf was taught to cook many dishes from his old country by his great Nana!"

"I like that! Congratulations, Rolfy-boy! You're our head-chef!"

"This is good, he who smells of Nana's foot soakings! Rolf will keep the kitchen running smoother than Rolf's back after a good vegetable soaking!"

"Great, now round up your crew and go man the kitchen!" Orihime and Naruto make a mad dash for the kitchen, but Rolf grabs their shirt collars.

"Where do you think you're going?" the Son of a Shepherd asks the energetic boy and red-head. "Rolf is head chef so Rolf enters the kitchen first!!" Rolf pulls them to the side and struts into the kitchen, his crew-members following at his heels.

"All right, the next position up for grabs is the coveted position of assistant manager. Now, the title sounds pretty powerful, but it actually isn't. However, it takes someone with plenty of work experience to handle such a responsibility, and since May is the only one here who has graduated both high school and college, she gets this job. And as for the pink-haired girl and the dorky kid with the glasses…"

"Now hold on, yo! I don't take insults like that from some greasy old man who smells like five month old cheese!!"

"Irwin, drop it," the pink-haired teenage girl standing beside the bespectacled kid snaps.

"Ahem! As I was saying, the kid with the glasses and the lady with the funny hair color will wait the tables."

"Wait! What about me?" the blonde girl asks.

"Who are you?" Pops asks.

"This is my protégée, Carrie," May replies.

"Protégée, huh? Well, what experience does she have? I couldn't get anything out of her job application other than she likes chickens, eating peanut butter and pudding, and apparently she likes to draw because there are drawings all over the paper…"

"Well, she did do some volunteer work at the local middle school serving food, but she was fired an hour later."

"Yeah, I was attacked by mole mutants!" Carrie adds.

"Uh, don't mind her. She tends to be a little, um, spacey but she's a hard worker."

"Well, since she's your protégée, I'm putting you in charge of her! She can work any job you can think of here at the diner, but any damages caused by her comes out of your paycheck!! And whatever you do, don't let her eat the out-of-date canned food in the pantry. That's for the customers." Pops walks into his office at the corner of the room.

"Okay, Carrie, let's see if you…Carrie! Get your nametag out of your mouth!!" May snatches the nametag out of Carrie's jaws and pins it back on her white shirt. "Now, we're going to see how good you are at waiting tables. I'll let you get the first table, if Dorothy and Irwin don't mind."

"No, go right ahead," the pink-haired woman replies.

"Nah, I don't mind, yo! I'll just stay here and chill with my woman Dorothy." Irwin leans back on the counter where Dorothy is sitting, but she maliciously shoves him into a table.

"Anyway, Carrie, did you study the book I gave you last night?"

"Yeah, but I couldn't read it. I think it's in Chinese!" Carrie holds up a yellow and black book titled _Fast Food Service for Dummies._

"First of all, you're reading it upside-down, Carrie!" May takes the book, flips it, and places it back in her friend's hand. "There! After I'm done with you, you'll be the employee of the month hands-down! Now, all we need is a customer…"

Just as the brown-haired thirteen-year-old genius finishes speaking, an elderly man walks in the front door. He's wearing a solid white zoot suit and he has a set of fangs protruding from underneath his gray moustache. He sort of resembles Red Foxx from the TV show _Sanford and Son_. He sits down in a booth to the right of the door and picks up a slimy, grease-covered menu resting on the table.

"Here's your chance, Carrie! Remember the three most important rules, one: always act friendly towards the customer. Two: don't eat ANY of the customer's food. And three: don't spill anything on the customer or yourself. Got it?"

Carrie smiles and says, "You can count on me! I'll remember to do all three of those things!"

"Great, now go take his order." Carrie happily walks up to the elderly man.

"Oh, my gosh, IT'S DRACULA!! I've seen all of your movies!! C-can I have your autograph?"

"What? Dracula already gave you his dang autograph last Tuesday! Dracula's hungry right now! Dracula needs the Early Bird Special! Now go get Dracula's food!"

"Okey dokey, Artichokey!" Carrie walks to the service window overlooking the kitchen. "One Early Bird Special, please!"

"Okay, Rolf will prepare the eggs! Uzumaki-boy, you will fix the bacon and biscuits and the Inoue-girl will prepare the gravy!" Naruto and Orihime salute their superior and immediately get to work.

Orihime grabs a huge pot with various sauces and food particles caked on the sides without any evidence of a recent washing. However, the red-head ignores this and gets to work.

"Okay, I'll make some of my special gravy!" She fills the pot with water and places it on the stove. "And now to add some brown gravy mix and the most important ingredients!" Orihime reaches in the pantry and starts grabbing various food items. "I'll add some eggs, sugar, salt, pepper, vinegar, chocolate milk, sweet potatoes, this peppermint, a fish head, and I don't know what this thing is, but I'm going to add it anyway!" She happily tosses the mystery ingredient. Rolf eats a spoonful of Orihime's "Mystery Gravy."

"Very good, it's just like Rolf's great Nana used to make! Rolf is finished scrambling the eggs!" Rolf shows his two cooks his eggs. There's a small bone, a rat's tail, and an eyeball mixed in with the eggs, but this doesn't seem to faze the other two chefs.

Naruto's bacon and biscuits aren't so good either. The bacon is half-cooked and smothered in pepper and the biscuits look like lumps of coal. However, Rolf is pleased with the work of his crew and gives the plate to Carrie.

"Okay, I was nice to the customer, now what were the other two rules? Oh, well!" Carrie walks over to Dracula's table, places the food in front of him, and then devours it right before the vampire's very eyes.

"Hey, that was Dracula's food!" May hears the commotion and makes her way to the table to solve the commotion.

"Is something wrong, sir?"

"Yeah, Blonde-girl ate Dracula's Early Bird Special! Didn't even leave Dracula a crumb!"

"Carrie, did you forget rule number two?"

"NO!!" Carrie snaps back defensively. "Um, yes, I did."

"Carrie, what am I going to do with you? KITCHEN!!" Naruto and Orihime stick their heads out of the little window.

"YES!!" They say in unison, until Rolf jerks them back in.

"Rolf is boss, so Rolf answers the call!! Back you urchins! Back I say! Now, how can the son of a shepherd assist you, she who wears the hand cloth on her noggin?"

"First of all, it's a bandanna and second of all, we need another Early Bird Special!"

"Yes, ma'am! Red-haired girl, make the gravy, and hyperactive boy, prepare the bacon and biscuits!"

Minutes later, the food is ready and Carrie is headed towards Dracula's table, again, holding his long-awaited meal. Everything seems to be going smoothly until something catches Carrie's eye. Lying on the ground at Dracula's feet is the shiniest penny Carrie has ever seen! She bends over to grab it when CRASH!! Dishes, gravy, bacon, and eggs fly everywhere and once again, Dracula is rather unhappy. Carrie straightens up clenching the penny in her fingers when she realizes the mess she made. Dracula's face is covered in Orihime's mystery gravy, the bacon is poking out of his ears, and the eggs are sitting on his head. Carrie smiles sheepishly and places her penny in his shirt pocket to try to make things better, but it doesn't help the situation. May, who witnessed the entire incident, grabs a roll of paper towels and goes back to Dracula's table. Outraged, the vampire pours the last bit of gravy on the table on Carrie's head. Carrie is surprised at first, but she uses her tongue to catch the drops of gravy oozing down her face.

"Rule number three, Carrie, rule number three!!" May exclaims as she cleans the mess. "I'm sorry about that, sir. How about a free cup of coffee while we fix you another Early Bird Special?"

"No thanks! Dracula's getting out of here before Blonde-girl kills Dracula!" Dracula runs out the door.

"Well, Carrie, I guess I can't trust you with serving food, so let's try beverages. You can serve this next guy. Dorothy! I need you to help Carrie with this next one if he orders any food!"

The next customer comes in the door. He is a walking skeleton wearing a black robe and a sickle clenched in his fist. He glides elegantly across the room and takes a seat on a stool by the counter. Dorothy approaches the lifeless customer.

"Hello, Grim! What can I get for you this morning?"

"I don't want anyting to eat, but I would like a cup of coffee to wake me up, mon," Grim replies in a Jamaican accent. May walks Carrie over to the coffee maker.

"Okay, Carrie, all you have to do is press the button, wait a few minutes, and pour the coffee into this mug. Remember, don't spill it; it's extremely hot." Without saying a word, Carrie presses the button and smiles. "Good, now while you're waiting, you can read your book."

May walks away and Carrie pulls out her _Fast Food Service for Dummies _book. Quickly growing bored with reading, Carrie takes her notepad out and decides to play herself at tic-tac-toe. Carrie is losing when the coffee pot finishes. Carrie puts her pad and pencil away and removes the pot. She spills some coffee on the counter, but manages to pour a full cup of coffee. Carefully she places the mug in front of Death, splattering a few drops on the counter.

"Tanks," Grim says, pouring the coffee into his mouth. Unfortunately, Grim is a skeleton and has no skin, so the coffee pours out of the hole in the bottom of his jaw and into his lap. "No, it got all over me good robe! I just had dis dry-cleaned!"

"I DIDN'T DO IT!!" Carrie screams. May hears the commotion and comes to her friend's aide yet again.

"I know you didn't do it, Carrie. I want you to go into the kitchen and taste the food. I don't think those three chefs have any idea what they're doing." Carrie stands at attention, salutes her friend, and marches into the kitchen. "As for you, Grim, if you don't have any skin to keep the coffee in your mouth, don't order any."

"Sorry, I just needed someting to wake me up dis morning. Anyway, here's the money for de coffee and a quarter for Carrie's tip. She didn't do all dat bad, save for de coffee all over de counter. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get me robe re-cleaned." And with that, Grim takes up his scythe and exits the diner.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, when Orihime opens the cupboard to retrieve more flour, a huge cockroach leaps out.

"A giant bug!!" she screams in surprise. Naruto grabs a frying pan.

"I'll kill it!" Carrie watches as Naruto chases the unusually oversized insect around the kitchen, swinging the pan wildly and breaking dishes and putting holes in the slime-covered beige-tiled walls. The roach flies on Rolf's head and Naruto decides to make his move. He swings the pan with all his might, but the bug dodges. WHAM!! Rolf falls to the cold, grease-covered ground, a large knot on his head. Ignoring him, Naruto continues his chase. Rolf stands to his feet.

"YOU HAVE BROUGHT UPON THE RAGE OF A THOUSAND GOATS, UZUMAKI-BOY!! NOW PREPARE FOR AN UNMERCIFUL THRASHING!!" Carrie steps over the mess left by the commotion and walks over to Orihime, who is quietly preparing today's lunch special.

"Hi, my name is Carrie and I'm here to taste-test the food by order of the assistant manager!"

"Great, I'll let you have some of my stew! All I have to do is get some squid tentacles and it will be ready." Orihime goes over to the refrigerator and pulls out a box that reads "Samurai Kwan's Frozen Squid Tentacles" on the front, but when she returns to her pot, she finds that it's empty.

"Hey, where did my stew go? Did it run away?" She turns to Carrie, whose mouth is caked with tomato sauce. "Hey, you're supposed to taste the food, not eat it all!!"

"According to my book, I'm only supposed to taste what I could fit in my mouth, and there's still some stew left on the sides!"

"Well, in that case, my stew must've walked away…oh well! I'll just make more!!"

Meanwhile, Pops hears the racket in his kitchen and storms out of his office.

"WHAT IN SAM HILL IS THAT RACKET!!" His only answer is a metallic clang followed by Rolf screaming in anger and then a thud. Naruto pokes his head out of the window. He's missing a few of his teeth and he has a footprint embedded on his face. In his hand he still has his frying pan, only this time, the bottom is caked with roach guts and a few twitching legs.

"Sorry, boss, but there was a huge bug and we were trying to kill it."

"A roach, huh? Don't throw him away. Put him in the burger meat to give it some extra flavor." Naruto salutes Pops and pulls himself back in the kitchen.

Later on that afternoon, business really picks up. Carrie is kicked out of the kitchen after Rolf catches her trying to eat the silverware and she's now manning the cash register.

"Okay, Carrie, you get to work the cash register now! Just read your book and come get me if you need help," May says.

Carrie nods and opens her book to a page titled "Manning the Cash Register." A paragraph underneath reads: "Working the cash register is a simple yet very important job. Remember to keep a positive attitude and mind your manners when dealing with a customer. Also remember, THE CASH REGISTER IS NOT A TOY!! If the cash register looks intimidating, just remember, it is your friend and must be treated as such."

A woman steps up to the register and says, "I'm ready to pay for my food."

Carrie gazes at all the buttons on the cash register in confusion. She takes the lady's money and sticks it in the side of the register.

"Ahem! I'm expecting to get some change back, please!" Carrie begins to sweat as she types a message on the register that reads "I want some change. Love, Carrie." ERROR flashes on the screen.

"Uh, maybe I should push all the buttons…" Carrie places her hands over the buttons and pushes down. ERROR flashes on the screen again and adding paper shoots out of a slit in the side of the register. The drawer flies open and dollars and coins scatter everywhere. "Help, I made it mad at me!!" Carrie screams as she hides behind her friend, covered in adding machine paper. May unplugs the register, adds up the customers change, and cleans up the mess.

"Carrie, didn't you read the part in your book that says 'the cash register is not a toy'!?"

"Yes, but it had so many buttons that I didn't know what to do, so I pressed them all."

"It's okay. You'll get it tomorrow after you study that book a little more. For now, just stand there and attract customers and don't eat the food."

"You're right, Plank, I wouldn't feed this food to my dog," the last customer, a bald kid accompanied by a 2x4 piece of wood with a face drawn on it remarks as he quietly throws his leftover salad away. The salad has roach legs and chicken feathers poking out from under the lettuce leaves.

Later on that night, Carrie is determined to study that book, but she falls asleep before she reaches the front door of her friend's house. May drags her into the living room and sets her on the couch.

"Well, I guess I'll have to take things into my own hands. By tomorrow, Carrie will be the greatest employee in that diner!" May pulls out a syringe and uses it to inject some blue liquid into Carrie's arm. "These nanobots should do the trick." May looks around and realizes she's alone. "I really need to stop talking to myself…"

The next day, Pops enters his diner to find everything cleaned up. There's not a trace of mold and dust, all the dishes are clean, and his shoes no longer stick to the floor. Carrie walks out of the kitchen holding a well-prepared Early Bird Special in her hand and serves it to Dracula, who's sitting in the same seat as yesterday.

"Whoa, what's gotten into Carrie?" Dorothy asks.

"Last night, I injected nanobots into Carrie's bloodstream. They basically control Carrie's muscles and have more data downloaded into their memory banks than Flo. Carrie is now able to work at speeds faster than any ordinary diner employee before her and she won't even break a sweat. And, as long as she doesn't get stressed out too much, nothing can possibly go wrong!"

"Wait, where are my cooks?" Pops asks. "They called me and told me they'd be here early to prepare a new appetizer for me to taste."

"Oh, I have them doing something else!" Carrie explains.

Meanwhile, in the boiler room under the diner, Rolf, Naruto, and Orihime are tied up and their mouths are stuffed with dish rags. Their appetizer is fermenting beside them in a pot.

"I can see myself in the counter!" Dorothy says in amazement. Irwin decides to make a move.

"I can see you to, and I think you look fine!" Dorothy fakes a laugh and stuffs a stack of dishes in his mouth. Irwin stumbles into a trash can. "That was not cool, yo!"

Pops decides to sample Carrie's cooking. "Hey, the food's actually edible and there isn't a rat tail or cockroach wriggling around in the eggs!"

"This is fun! I'm doing all the jobs and I feel like all I'm doing is standing up!" Carrie says as she refills a salt shaker.

"As long as Carrie's stress level remains low, nothing can go wrong."

Suddenly, a guy barges in the frond door and yells, "HEAD FOR THE HILLS!! THE KANKERS ARE COMIN'!!"

He hides in the trash can with Irwin as three girls walk in the diner. One has a red beehive hairdo and wears a shirt covered in red polka-dots. The second has blue hair and is wearing a black sleeveless shirt and the other has buck teeth, straight blonde hair, and is wearing a gray shirt with motor oil smeared all over the front. They take a booth close to the counter and Carrie strolls up to the trio of troublemakers.

"Carrie! Come back!" May yells.

"Hey, waiter, we're hungry!! FEED US!!" The trio demands. Everyone in the diner hides under their tables and watch as Carrie pulls out her notepad and pencil.

"Hey Marie, what do you want?" The polka-dot shirted Kanker asks.

"Eh, I'll have a breakfast burger and some hash browns. What about you, Lee?"

"I want an egg, sunny-side up!"

"Hey, what about me?" the buck-toothed Kanker asks rudely.

"Shut up, crybaby May!"

Carrie runs into the kitchen and returns seconds later with their order.

"Hey, I didn't order this! I ordered pancakes!!"

"But we don't serve pancakes…"

"No pancakes!? What kind of place is this!? Hey girls, this place doesn't serve pancakes. Let's show our friend Carrie what we think of restaurants that don't serve pancakes…"

The Kankers jump out of their seats, knocking the table over and spilling their food. The nanobots make Carrie clean their mess. Next the troublemakers pick up a chair and toss it into another table, smashing it. Robotically, Carrie cleans that mess up, too. The Kankers then start throwing customers! Lee picks up Dracula and throws him at Marie. Marie dodges and picks up some random lady and tosses her into the kitchen. Poor Carrie is trying to keep up with the Kankers, but she suddenly finds herself joining them.

"Oh, great, the nanobots are out of control, and now Carrie's tearing the diner apart!!" May (not the Kanker, mind you) screams. Carrie pulls Irwin out of the trash can and throws him against the boiler room door. Suddenly it opens and Rolf, Orihime, and Naruto run out.

"Run for your lives, or you'll be eaten by the appetizer!!" Rolf screams as a giant meat-blob oozes out the door after him.

"I GOT IT!!" Naruto grabs a meat tenderizer and runs at the blob, swinging his weapon wildly breaking things as he goes. The blob dodges and eats the Kankers and Irwin.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! NARUTO HAS A MEAT TENDERIZER!!" Orihime yells as she watches the blonde-haired boy charge at the giant wad of meat.

The Eds, local boys who live close by and happen to have similar names, run inside with a fire hose, ready to fight the creature.

"Ed, turn on the fire hydrant!!" the sock-hatted Ed-boy screams.

"Okey dokey, Smokey!" "Ed" replies dumbly, obeying his command. The water washes the wad of meat away and for no apparent reason, the kitchen catches fire and the wallpaper peels off.

"Well, this place is ruined," Pops says looking at his ruined restaurant.

"Is everyone okay?" The sock-hatted Ed-boy asks. Everyone nods in response.

"Are you done, Carrie?" May asks her friend.

"No, not yet." Carrie picks up a chair and throws it out a busted window where it lands in the middle of the road. "Okay, now I'm done!" Dorothy tackles Double D and knocks him to the ground.

"Double D!! You came to save me!!"

"Dorothy, please! Respect my personal space!!"

"Well, since everyone is okay…" the short, three-haired Ed-boy grabs the cash register and tries to open it, but the drawer is melted shut.

"Eddy, get your hands off that cash register!!" Double D snatches it out of Eddy's hands.

"What? I couldn't help myself! It was just sitting there calling to me!"

"See, Double D, I told you Carrie would have fun at her new job!!" Ed exclaims, looking around the restaurant.

"Messy, messy, messy!"

"For once I agree with ya, Sockhead!"

"It was fun, Ed! I was taken over by robots, and I ate food, and played with the cash register!!"

"And you got to wear a uniform that makes you look _hot_!!" Eddy adds.

Double D puts his hand over his face. "Eddy, can't you keep your mind out of the gutter for five minutes?"

Irwin crawls out of a pile of meat and says, "I'm quitting, yo! I can handle being dissed by my woman, but not being eaten by meat monsters!!"

"So, Pops, what are you going to do with this dump now?" May asks.

"I'm closing down. This place is a pigsty! All the furniture is smashed, meat is everywhere, and the kitchen is burned. I'm definitely opening a grocery store."

"A grocery store!? I WANT TO WORK THERE!!" Carrie screams.

"Uh, Carrie, after watching you work for the past two days, I don't think you're ready to go to work. You should stick to watching cartoons and playing with Ed."

"Okay, even though I didn't understand anything you just said!"

" And as for the grocery store idea Pops, I personally will not buy groceries from there after seeing the food you give customers to eat," May says.

"That's okay, Carrie! You can help me, Eddy, and Double D when we scam the kids!" Ed says.

"Yeah, and speaking of scamming, I got the perfect scam that's sure to make money!" Eddy puts his arms around his friends. "Okay, we open a diner in the cul-de-sac, make Carrie a waitress, Ed a chef, and Double D, you can be the cashier! The kids will never know what hit them!!"

"Here we go again…" Double D follows his friends out of the wreckage, off to; once again, try to scam money from the kids so he and his friends can buy jawbreakers.


	5. The PrankCallers of Chthullu

The Prank-Callers of Chthulu

**The Prank-Callers of Chthulu **

By the standards of the world of the Eds, this morning was pretty average. For quite some time, they had been stranded in another world and living in the castle of a neat-freak blue-faced vampire. Not too long ago, they had befriended, or should I say, enslaved, one of the most powerful beings in any world, the Grim Reaper himself. But this particular tale doesn't start with this terrifying being, but with another friend of the Eds. May is the smartest youth prodigy in both this world and the Eds home world. Her room is easy to pick out in this maze of hallways, libraries, and emergency cleaning closets because it's the only door made out of solid steel. The reason for such a door is because her room is actually a laboratory filled with dangerous chemicals and all sorts of gadgets that could cause mass pandemonium with the simple push of a button.

This morning, the door seems quiet, for the time being. But it is here that major events unfold and the very fate of the reality of time and space will hang in the balance. The door swings open and a thirteen year old boy and a fifteen year old girl stampede out of the room.

"Run away!" They scream. The boy is wearing a red and white-striped t-shirt and a green jacket. He has a large unibrow and his head is flat as a table top. The girl has blonde, spiky hair that goes halfway down her back and is wearing a white t-shirt that has "I smile because I have no idea what's going on!" written on it and in her hand is a beaker of some red solution. The boy is Ed and his accomplice is Carrie.

Just as they make it to the stairs, two mechanical claws shoot out of the doorway and grab them by the back of their shirts, pick them up off the ground, and pull them back towards the doorway. May is standing at her door and she looks very unhappy about what just went on. She's wearing a white lab coat with "Capsule Corporation" written in the front corner of it and she's wearing a red bandanna on her head with the Capsule Corporation logo on it, which is a large letter C encircling a smaller letter C. Her bangs are long and split to both sides of her head and the rest of her hair is cut short. On her back are four mechanical arms, each tipped with a jointed, three-fingered claw that has a red, optical sensor in the center of each claw. One of them snatches the beaker from Carrie's hand.

"And just where do you think you're going with this?" She asks.

"Um, I forgot!" Carrie says.

"Do you have any idea what this is?" She asks again, this time her voice much louder.

"Is it Kool-Aid?" Ed asks.

"No! This is a very unstable solution that violently explodes when it comes in contact with anything besides its container!" May yells angrily at her two friends.

"Let me see!" Ed says, stealing back the beaker. He pours one drop on a vase and it explodes.

Carrie laughs and says, "It went 'boom'!"

"Yeah, and if you pour the whole thing out on the floor, everything with in a five mile radius will go 'boom'!" May says.

"I want to see that!" Carrie says, taking the beaker from Ed.

"Oh, no you don't!" May snaps, snatching the glass container from Carrie's hands with one of her mechanical claws. "Now, I have some important work to do, so please go find something to keep yourselves entertained and out of trouble." And with that, she closes the metal door and locks it.

"What just happened?" Ed asks Carrie.

"I don't know." Carrie answers, living up to the saying on her shirt. "Let's go play with Darth Sidious' magic golf club!"

"Yay!" Ed shouts. Ten minutes later, just down the hall from May's room, a door with a black skull on it swings open and Ed and Carrie race out of it holding a black-handled, steel-bladed scythe.

"Run away!" They yell. A black robed skeleton emerges from the room with a very annoyed look on his face.

"Come back here wit me scythe, you little hooligans!" Grim yells in a Jamaican accent. Ed and Carrie just laugh as they run down the stairs with the powerful artifact. Grim chases after them, but tumbles down the stairs and completely falls apart. His head rolls up to a short, three haired kid wearing a yellow collared shirt with a red stripe going down the side and a wallet chain dangling out of his pocket.

"Nice move, Bonehead!" Eddy laughs.

"I'm getting too old for dis!" Grim complains.

"Oh, dear! Are you okay, Grim?" Double D asks, trying to help Death pull himself together. Double D is wearing a red t-shirt, black shorts, and a beanie on his head that has white stripes going down the sides of it.

"Yeah, but we better get dat scythe back from Ed and Carrie before they hurt someone wit it." Grim replies.

"Finally, something to do besides trying to think of a scam or of an insult for that pink-haired freak that ruined my scam again yesterday." Eddy says.

The three of them didn't have to look far. Ed is naturally a big eater and Carrie has a dangerously high metabolism, so she needs to eat constantly just to keep herself from literally wasting away to nothing by the end of the day. So, it was no manhunt to find them, because when Ed and Carrie go missing, they're in one of two places, the TV room watching Star Wars or some other science fiction or cartoon show, or in the kitchen, eating the castle's owner, Baron von Ghoulish, out of house and home. Both of them are in the kitchen making a mess and the blue-skinned vampire isn't too happy about it.

"My kitchen!" Baron von Ghoulish shouts in horror. Ed and Carrie have used the power of Grim's scythe to bring all the food in the refrigerator to life and all the food is running amok, creating one big, humongous mess. Ed is chewing on the end of the scythe and Carrie is chasing a formerly frozen chicken around the kitchen, creating an even bigger mess than before. Eddy, Grim, and Double D storm the kitchen and Grim reclaims his scythe.

"Yuck! Me scythe has drool all over it!" Grim shouts. He uses its power to undo everything Ed and Carrie did with it and to clean up the mess.

"You should really keep that thing locked away, Grim!" The head vampire yells. "They nearly scratched all my fine china!" He walks out of the room.

"Me scythe has unlimited supernatural power beyond mortal comprehension. It's not a toy for you to play wit any time you want!" Grim scolds the two.

"What are you talking about Beetlejuice?" Ed asks.

"Yeah, I don't remember anything about a scythe." Carrie says. "But I do remember something about a golf club and Fred Flintstone falling off the roof."

"It's pointless trying to talk to them." Double D says.

"Hey, Grim, go easy on Carrie, but punish Ed." Eddy says.

"It won't do any good." Grim says "They'll just steal it again tomorrow."

Suddenly a sixteen year old girl storms into the room. She's wearing a black dress with the bottom of it and the sleeves rimmed with triangle-shaped notches. The collar is white with a purple jewel in the front of it. She's also wearing black armbands on her forearms, each of them attached to her middle finger and on her head is a hat similar to Double D's, except it's pure black, a little taller, and has a black ball on the tip of it. Her hair is pink and braided in long pigtails that almost touch her ankles and have two large, purple beads in each of them, one towards the tip and one towards the middle. Her fingers and wrists are covered in rings and bracelets, but the unusual thing about them is that there isn't a single jewel on them, not even a diamond. They're just in unusual shapes and patterns. In her other hand is a silver-handled straw broom. The handle has a red orb on the other end of it and is fitted with all sorts of unusual designs and shapes.

"What is going on in here?" She demands.

"Oh, great, who let the It in here?" Eddy complains.

"Hi, Dorothy!" Carrie says.

"Um, your friend and her boyfriend stole me scythe and almost destroyed the kitchen." Grim says.

"I wish you'd keep it down!" Dorothy complains. "I'm trying to sleep!"

"I think we woke Dorothy up, Carrie." Ed says.

"No, Frog-face and his loud mouth woke me up!" Dorothy says crossly, glaring at Eddy.

"I wish I had a knife." Eddy mumbles angrily.

"I heard that!" Dorothy screams at the Ed-boy.

"Eddy, please! Stop making Dorothy mad!" Double D scolds his friend.

"Yeah, listen to your friend." Dorothy says wrapping her arms around Double D's neck.

"Dorothy…crushing…neck…" Double D wheezes.

"Leave Double D alone, you pink-haired freak!" Eddy snaps. Not at all pleased with his remark, Dorothy takes the broad end of her broom and jabs Eddy in the eye. Eddy screams in pain and Dorothy continues squeezing the life out of the brainy Ed-boy.

"If you two wouldn't have stolen me scythe, Dorothy wouldn't have woken up and she wouldn't have hurt Eddy." Grim says to Ed and Carrie.

"But it's not our fault, Mr. Bean!" Ed cries. "We just wanted something to do!"

"Hey, Grim, take us to some other dimension." Eddy demands. Carrie looks over at poor Double D. He's gasping for air and his face is blue.

"Oh, no! Dorothy, how could you! You turned poor Double D into a blueberry!" Carrie says.

"What are you talking about?" Grim says. "Dorothy doesn't have dat kind of power, you simpleton!" Dorothy releases Double D and he catches his breath.

"Well, if you're going to some other dimension, I'm going too." Dorothy says. "Someone has to keep Double D safe." Double D sweats heavily.

"Yeah, you just stay away from Double D." Eddy warns.

"Are we talking about caramel!?" Carrie asks excitedly.

"No, we're trying to figure out where we want to go." Double D says.

"Oh, how about we go to someplace thrilling!" Ed says.

"Yeah, like a lobster." Carrie adds. Everyone in the room but Ed stares at Carrie, not sure of what to make of the girl's comment.

"I know of a place." Grim says. "I have some loose ends to tie up wit someone I know." Grim slashes the air and tears open an interdimensional rift.

"Faol krop!" Ed says randomly. The rift leads to a strange world filled with strange creatures. Puddles of blue slime dot the landscape and there seems to be no sun, moon, or stars in the sky and the sky is a bluish purple.

"Whoa. This place is crazy!" Eddy says.

"Yeah! Hey, what happened to Ed and Carrie?" Double D asks, noticing that the two were nowhere in sight.

"Usually when more than one person enters another world, some members of the group tend to get separated." Grim explains. "Let's just hope we find them before something else does."

The four of them start walking across the strange land until they reach a strange building with a sign next to it reading, "Café Chthulu". Inside, strange creatures of all shapes and sizes are eating and serving food. Ed and Carrie are sitting at a table eating some sort of slime that's violet with purple spots all over it. Carrie's lips are the same color as the food and slightly swollen and her tongue is longer and resembles a giant leech. Ed's nose has tentacles growing out of the tip of it and it too is the same color as the food. Sitting next to them is a familiar face, Dracula. Dracula's hair is white as well as his moustache and is wearing a black suit with a red cape tied around his neck. He's eating the same food, but isn't mutated like Ed and Carrie.

"Hey, it's Skeleton Man, Witch Girl, Short Kid, and Sock Kid!" Dracula says. "Dracula was just having dinner with Stinky Boy and Blonde Girl."

"Oh, my gosh! Carrie, what happened to your mouth?" Dorothy asks.

"Oh, this is nothing compared to what will happen if we keep eating this stuff." Carrie answers.

"Yeah, right now we're in the larval stage, but if we keep eating this stuff, we'll grow up to be big and strong like that guy!" Ed points at a giant creature that's the same color as the food. He's hideous looking and has long fingers, tentacles growing out of his giant nose, and has a leech-like tongue, similar to Carrie's.

"Yup, this looks like the work of Chthulu." Grim says, watching Carrie's tongue slurp up the disgusting dish as if it were some sort of candy.

"Who?" Eddy asks.

"Chthulu. He's a terrible being that turns mortals into horrible creatures by feeding them his special type of food. He then uses them to make prank phone calls and anyone that answers the call is turned into a terrible creature based on the thoughts of the person on the other end of the line." Grim explains. "The only way to turn Carrie and Ed back to normal, um, the way they were, is to have them prank-call Chthulu himself. But be warned, if you look directly into his face, it'll make you go mad!"

"Well, Carrie we better get back to work!" Ed says.

"You got jobs working for Chthulu?!" Grim says in shock. "How the heck did you qualify to work for such an organization?"

"Well, I told him that I got my tongue stuck in a bathroom drain and came up with saying pork loaf backwards!" Ed says.

"And I told him that I fell off the roof this morning and landed on my head!" Carrie adds.

And so, Ed and Carrie take the elevator upstairs to their work stations, which is in a cubical where the only piece of office equipment is a strange-looking telephone. Grim, Dorothy, Dracula, Eddy, and Double D follow the two of them by taking the stairs since the elevator is for employees only. Ed and Carrie begin their work, which is prank-calling. Now, Chthulu likes to spread pandemonium and disorder by turning people into horrible monsters, and prolonged exposure to talking to someone who has called you on one of his "special phones" turns into one of these creatures. Carrie is the first one to make a call, and she calls Rolf.

"Hello, this is Rolf speaking." Rolf says, answering the telephone.

"Hi, Rolf!" Carrie says. "Knock, knock!"

"Um, who is knocking?" Rolf asks.

"Hello! Who is this?" Carrie asks.

"Is that you, brain like a chicken Carrie-girl?" Rolf asks back. "Rolf would recognize that tone of cluelessness anywhere."

"Can I speak to Rolf?" Carrie asks.

"Has a truck backed over your freshly paved driveway? I am Rolf!" Rolf shouts, a little irritated.

"Oh, hi Mr. President!" Carrie says.

"You are trying Rolf's patience, bun cake for brains Carrie-girl!" Rolf yells, but suddenly, Rolf begins feeling strange. The next thing he knows, he's some octopus-looking creature with many tentacles. Rolf screams in horror.

"Well, if Rolf's not available, I'll call back later." Carrie says, hanging the phone up.

"My turn!" Ed says. He dials the number of Kevin.

"Talk to me." Kevin says coolly, answering his phone.

"Buttered toast!" Ed shouts into the phone.

"What the? Dork!" Kevin shouts back.

"Dork!?" Ed says, confused. Suddenly, Kevin turns into a creature similar to Rolf and Ed hangs up the phone.

"What are you idiots doing, mon!?" Grim screams at Ed and Carrie. "How many people have you called?"

"I don't know." Carrie says. "I forgot."

"Wait! I know what's going on here!" Ed says, jumping out of his chair. "You'll never take me alive, coppers!" Ed laughs insanely, jumps through the window, and falls about four stories to the ground below, landing flat on his stomach.

"What's wrong with these kids?" Dracula asks. "Stinky Kid acts dumber than Wolf Man and Blonde Girl acts like she's drunk."

"They both act like that all the time." Double D says with his hand over his face in disappointment.

"Ed, you maniac, get up here!" Eddy shouts at Ed from the window the Ed-boy leaped out of. The group of seven regroups and sets off to find Chthulu and end his reign of discord.

"So, where do we find this guy?" Dorothy asks.

"It just so happens dat he's a big golfer and likes to go every chance he gets." Grim answers the witch. "He could be anywhere on dis field."

"Gravy!" Ed says randomly. Up ahead they see a tall creature with the body of a toad and the head of a nautilus. Beside him is a fly-man wearing a suit and tie. The taller creature is holding a golf club and his golf ball is just inches away from the eighth hole. He taps the ball, but it rolls past the hole and into a nearby lake. The fly-man laughs at him mockingly and the larger creature, who is Chthulu, is stomping his feet angrily and he bends his club over his knee.

"Remember, don't let him look directly in de eye or you'll go mad." Grim warns.

"Come on, guys! Embrace the madness!" Carrie says, staring directly in Chthulu's eyes and foaming at the mouth. Ed is staring into his eyes, too, and foaming at the mouth.

"Why does that not surprise me?" Double D asks himself.

"So, how are we supposed to talk to this guy if we can't look at him?" Eddy asks.

"We'll have to use dis hand mirror to look at him." Grim replies.

"Why do you carry a hand mirror in your pocket?" Dorothy asks.

"Um, uh, because I forgot to take it out of me robe when I used it in the, um, Stone Age, yeah!" Grim says.

"Caddie, get me another golf ball!" Chthulu yells. "I'll get this hole if it's the last thing I do!"

"Uh, zzzzzir, therzzzzz zzzzzome vizzzitorzzzz to zzzzee you." The fly-man says.

"Chthulu, I'd like to have a word wit you!" Grim demands. Chthulu turns around to see his visitors.

"I'll save you, Double D!!" Dorothy yells, pouncing on the sock-hatted Ed-boy, knocking him down on the ground. Eddy groans with boredom.

"Well, if it isn't the Grim Reaper!" Chthulu says. "What do you want?"

"Yeah, we came to give you this pink-haired thing that followed us here." Eddy says, looking at Chthulu through the mirror. Dorothy gets up and is about carry out some vengeance on the three-haired Ed-boy, until she accidentally looks Chthulu right in the eyes. Without warning, she picks up her broom and strikes Eddy in the head repeatedly in the head with it and starts foaming at the mouth.

"Oh, my, will Dorothy be okay, Grim?" Double D asks.

"Well, she should go back to normal in a few minutes, or when Eddy loses consciousness, whichever comes first." Grim says.

"What are you two doing?" Chthulu asks Ed and Carrie. "You're supposed to be making prank phone calls and changing people into hideous creatures!"

"I'd like to order a number five with large fries and a drink." Carrie tells him.

"Mortals nowadays are dumber than rocks." Chthulu says.

"Yes, but I'm going to have to ask you to turn everyone back to normal." Grim says. "It's kind of annoying having everyone look like a pile of walking sushi."

"Oh, yeah, how about this? I don't change everyone back to normal and all six of you go home." Chthulu says.

"Six? What happened to Dracula?" Double D asks.

"All right, you asked for it!" Grim says, pointing his scythe at Chthulu. Chthulu simply steps on him, crushes him, and takes his scythe.

"This might come in handy!" Chthulu says.

"Ahem, I'm zzzzzorry to bother you, zzzzir, but you have a phone call." The half-fly half-man says, handing Chthulu a cell phone. Chthulu takes the phone and holds it up to his ear.

"Hello, Chthulu speaking." He says.

"Hello, is this Pizza Hutt?" A voice asks.

"No, this isn't Pizza Hutt!" Chthulu says. "I just told you, I'm Chthulu."

"Okay, I want a large cheese pizza with anchovies and marshmallows and chocolate sauce and salami and gravy and, um, chocolate pudding." The voice says.

"Yuck! That's disgusting! Who is this?" Chthulu says.

"Hello, is this Pizza Hutt?" The voice says again. Chthulu screams in anger and frustration. Suddenly, Chthulu is forcefully sucked into the phone and Dorothy goes back to normal just as Eddy blacks out. Dracula pops out of the lake with his hands filled with slimy, mud-caked golf balls.

"Hey, look! Dracula found free golf balls!" Dracula says. "Dracula likes this place!" Ed and Carrie walk up to Grim and Double D and Carrie is holding a cell phone.

"Stupid Pizza Hutt!" Carrie says angrily. "They hung up on me and never even got my order."

"Carrie, you saved the universe!" Grim says.

"What? But I didn't want to do that! I wanted some pizza!" Carrie whines.

"Is there a doctor in the house?" Eddy asks, half-conscious.

Grim takes everyone back to rest after their crazy meeting with a terrible creature from the Underworld. Unfortunately, all is still not well, as an angry mob has gathered to confront our small group.

"Which one of you is Ed?" Some guy holding a torch and a pitchfork asks.

"That would be me, good sir!" Ed says.

"Are you the one that prank-called us and turned us into monsters?" The guy asks again.

"I can tell a lie; yes it was me who did such a thing!" Ed says.

"Okay, then. We'll give you a three minute head start." He says.

"Start what?" Ed asks. "Dorothy, what's he mean?"

"He means that you should start running for your life!" The witch says.

"Oh, I can do that!" Ed says. He runs off into the woods laughing.

"Let's get him!" The guy shouts.

"But it's only been fifty seconds." Some other guy says.

"I don't care!" The guy says. The mob takes off after Ed, everyone in it screaming like a bunch of wild Indians.

"Wow, look at all of Ed's new friends!" Carrie says.

"Shouldn't we go after him, Eddy?" Double D asks.

"No, Ed can handle this on his own." Eddy answers.

"What are we doing outside?" Carrie asks. "And when am I getting my pizza?" Everyone stares at Carrie, annoyed.

_**The End! Or is it…**_


	6. Every Ed has his Day

Every Ed has his Day

"EDDY SKIPPER MCGEE!!" A gruff, masculine voice screamed from inside the Ed-boy's house.

The short, flat-headed 13 year-old obediently left his bedroom and ran into the living room where his big-armed, mountain of a father was standing at the front door, a huge cardboard box in his hands.

"Yeah, yeah, what do you want?" Eddy asked nonchalantly.

"You got a package from your older brother," his dad answered.

"It better not be more baby-stuff," Eddy groaned as he tore open the box.

After digging through the packaging peanuts, Eddy came across an old lava lamp from the 70s. It was caked with dirt and had blue goo floating inside it. Eddy's face lit up.

"Sweet," Eddy exclaimed. "This'll replace my other lamp that Ed ate!"

Eddy hurried back into his room and set the dirty lamp on his nightstand. The lamp complimented the retro 70s theme of Eddy's room.

"There," Eddy said smugly. "Hmm, I better wipe off the dirt so it doesn't get anything on my records." Eddy began to wipe the lamp with a rag when smoke started to spew from out of the top of the lamp.

A figure appeared from out of the cloud of blue smoke enveloping Eddy. His hair was tied back and he had a long, whip-like, curled goatee growing from his chin. He wore a blue zoot suit and gold wristbands on his forearms. On his face were a pair of square-framed sunglasses and he had a transparent blue tail instead of legs.

"Whoa, that was some party," the figure said. He looked down at Eddy. "Hey, this isn't Barbra Eden's mansion and you're not Barbra Eden!"

"Who the heck are you!?" Eddy asked. "And get out of my lamp! It's mine!!"

"Whoa, listen here, Shorty, I live in that lamp, so technically, it belongs to me! Let me guess, you go to a public school, right?" Eddy nodded. "Okay, I'll tell you this in the simplest way I know how. I am Norm, the genie of the lava lamp!"

"Cool! Hey, wait a minute!" Eddy said. "Genies are supposed to live in bottles and oil lamps, not lava lamps!"

"Shows what _you_ know!" Norm said. "But, I shouldn't blame you, since they don't teach anything important in public schools anymore. Okay, for freeing me from the lamp, and jerking me away from a party at Barbra Eden's mansion, you get three wishes."

"I don't believe you," Eddy said. "If you're a genie, then give me a, um, Japanese limited edition jawbreaker, available only in the Land of the Rising Sun!"

Norm pushed his glasses up, flexed his goatee, snapped his fingers, and with a loud gong, a large, bowling ball-sized jawbreaker appeared in Eddy's hands.

"Well, now that you've wasted your first wish, what do you want now? Longer legs? A normal shaped head? Smaller vocal chords? Manners?"

"Hmm, what do I want to wish for? I could wish every scam I do would be successful! Nah, that's too easy! Man, this wishing stuff is hard!"

"Could you make up your mind before my eleven-thousandth birthday? I have things to do and people to see, flat-head!"

"Don't rush me," Eddy snapped. He sat on his bed and began massaging his head. "What to wish for, what to wish for…"

"EDDY!!" Eddy's mom called. "It's getting late! Turn off your lights and go to bed now!!"

"Well, I guess we'll have to do your second wish in the morning," Norm yawned. "Good night, short, flat-headed, and ugly!"

"Hold on," Eddy commanded. "I wish that I had everything I ever wanted! That way, I won't have to waste my last wish and that way, I can use it for anything I want."

"Okay, kid-o, whenever you wake up tomorrow, you'll live out your second wish while I watch everything fall apart from the safety of my lamp," Norm said as he snapped his fingers and Eddy instantly fell asleep.

The next morning, Eddy woke up lying in a large, solid gold, king-size bed. His room was humongous and the mirror ball hanging from the ceiling was now larger and shinier. His old, dented, busted turntable was now in mint condition, his records didn't have a scratch on them, and every record was autographed by the band members and singers.

Eddy grinned with satisfaction as he stepped on his new gold-tiled floor. He walked through the giant double doors and into the hallway filled with giant statues and paintings of himself. Double D, one of his friends, walked up behind him. He was wearing a tuxedo and was smiling.

"Good morning, Mr. McRich," Double D said.

"Is that you, Sockhead?" Eddy asked.

"Are you feeling okay, sir? You're acting a little unusual this morning." Double D pulled a graph out of his pockets. "Anyway, while you were sleeping, your jawbreaker bank has been a success. And your stores and factories have all increased sales and production by twenty-five percent."

"I have a jawbreaker bank?"

"Yes, sir, and you also have a jawbreaker factory, a chain of supermarkets, and several chains of candy stores all over the world." Double D eyed Eddy suspiciously. "Are you sure you're feeling okay today, sir? Do you want me to cancel the ribbon-cutting ceremony of your 543rd jawbreaker bank and your date this evening?" Eddy looked at Double D and then looked at his schedule.

"Nope, tell the bank manager I appointed that I'll be there after breakfast."

"Yes, sir," Double D replied, saluting Eddy. He then pulled out a cell phone. "It's me, Rolf. Yes, Mr. McRich is awake. Do you have his breakfast ready? Oh, good!" Double D hung up on Rolf. "Mr. McRich, your breakfast is waiting for you in dining hall B section four. If you need me or Rolf, just page us!" And with that, Double D ran off.

Eddy stared after his friend for what seemed like hours, but then, his stomach began to growl.

"Well, I guess I better eat breakfast before I cut the ribbon for my 543rd jawbreaker bank!" Eddy said as he began walking down his long hallway.

Suddenly, he heard a dinging noise; Eddy turned around and in his wall was an elevator. The doors swung open and there stood Double D, this time wearing a red elevator operator's outfit.

"Sorry I'm late, sir," he said. "I had to iron my pants! Please don't be upset!"

"Eh, I'll overlook your lateness, Sockhead," Eddy said nonchalantly. "Just take me to the dining hall where my breakfast is."

Double D pressed a button on the wall and Eddy felt the elevator lurch as it slowly made its way to its destination.

"Oh, by the way, Mr. McRich, it's warm outside, so I prepared the suit you always wear when it's warm on a Saturday."

"Thanks, Sockhead," Eddy answered.

"No need to thank me, sir. It's my job." The elevator lurched to a stop and the doors swung open. Eddy walked out and looked around.

His dining hall was massive! Several chandeliers hung from the twenty-foot tall ceiling, the windows were stained glass and had images of Eddy all over them, and the table was long enough to seat at least a hundred people. Spread across the table was food as far as the eye could see. Eddy's mouth watered as he gazed at the meal.

"Hello, rich Ed-boy," Rolf said, surprising Eddy.

"ROLF!?" Eddy exclaimed in surprise when he saw the son of a shepherd. Instead of his usual farm clothes, Rolf had on chef's clothing, complete with a big, poofy hat.

"Eat up, Mr. Ed-boy! Rolf will be in the kitchen if you need him!" And with that, Rolf hurried into the kitchen.

Eddy stared after him for a moment. He couldn't believe Rolf cooked all of this awesome-looking food! Normally, Rolf only prepared disgusting dishes from his old country, like fish heads on a stick and sea cucumber balls, but all this food looked quite edible. Eddy just shrugged, sat down at the mile-long table, grabbed his utensils and began eating.

Later, Eddy finally finished the enormous meal and was quite content. Immediately, Double D ran in with a toothpick, and Eddy used it to pick his teeth. Double D disposed of the toothpick and looked at his watch.

"Sir, we better get you upstairs and let you get dressed! The ribbon-cutting ceremony starts in an hour! Here, we'll take the elevator." Eddy and Double D board the elevator. "Sorry I'm not in uniform for the elevator, sir. I didn't think you'd have time to wait on me to change."

"Relax, Double D," Eddy said coolly. "As long as I get to my new bank in time for the ceremony, you're not in trouble."

Finally, the elevator reached the floor of Eddy's room. Eddy ran inside and came out wearing a white tuxedo, a monocle over his eye, and a white top-hat. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a pipe, filled it with bubble soap, and stuck it in his mouth.

"I'm ready, Double D," Eddy announced.

"You made a good clothing choice, sir," Double D said. "Now, let's get you to the limo." Eddy and Double D boarded the elevator again and went to the first floor. In the middle of the room was a fountain that spewed liquid gold. Statues of Eddy eating jawbreakers lined the walls and the front doors were huge. Eddy casually walked outside where he found Ed standing on the porch, painting WELCOME on his back.

"Just getting ready for work, boss," Ed said dully. Ed then laid down on his stomach in front of the door.

"You know what?" Eddy said. "I'm gonna take my brother's car."

"A nice choice, sir," Double D said. "Are you driving?"

"Me? Drive!? Heck, yes!"

Double D ran around to the side of Eddy's mansion and after a few seconds, Eddy heard the sound of an engine roaring. Suddenly, a solid gold muscle car pulled up in front of him. Engraved across the top was EL HOMBRE and the steering wheel cover had dollar signs all over it. The fuzzy dice hanging in the mirror read EDDY'S BRO. Eddy's mouth dropped to the ground.

"A-are you sure that's my brother's car, Double D?" Eddy asked.

"Well, it was until he went away a few years ago and gave it to you." Double D dropped the keys into Eddy's hand. "And here's your U.S. Thirteen and Under Grant Drivers License," Double D said, giving Eddy a plastic card with his picture on it.

Eddy opened the driver's side door, sat in the seat, and slammed the door. He stuck the key into the ignition and turned; the engine roared. Eddy grinned as he gripped the steering wheel and put his foot on the gas pedal. Without warning, Eddy sped away from Double D, tearing up his own lawn. Plants trimmed to look like Eddy were knocked down and jawbreaker-themed stone monuments were demolished as Eddy sped around the yard. Finally, Eddy decided to head for the front gate. Double D was already working on opening the gates, but he wasn't quick enough. Eddy smashed through the gate and sped away down the road.

"YEE-HAW!!" Eddy screamed.

"Messy, messy, messy," Double D said, looking at the destroyed lawn.

Meanwhile, a kid named Kevin was riding a tricycle down the sidewalk, something he'd normally never do, since he was considered a jock. Also, along with his trademark red cap and green shirt, he also had brown fur growing on his arms and a monkey tail. Eddy saw the big-chinned kid and pulled up beside him.

"What's happenin', dork?" Eddy asked.

"Oh, hello there, Mr. McRich," Kevin answered. "I was just riding to…"

CRASH!! The front tire of Kevin's tricycle struck a tree root growing out of the ground and sent his tricycle crashing into a tree.

"Whoa, I'm such a dork!" Kevin yelled, pointing at himself. Eddy sped away, leaving Kevin trapped in the tangled mess of his tricycle.

Next, Eddy came across Johnny 2x4, who was dressed in his Captain Melonhead outfit. Tied up beside him were the notorious Kanker Sisters, Lee Kanker, Marie Kanker, and May Kanker.

"These wrong-doers have been apprehended, Mr. McRich," Captain Melonhead said.

"Keep up the good work, Melonhead," Eddy answered as he drove by. "Man, my life should've been like this years ago!"

Eddy hung his arm out the window as he took out five mailboxes, hit a fire hydrant, ran a stoplight, and nearly struck a man sitting at the bus stop. Finally, Eddy pulled into his new jawbreaker bank, appropriately titled "FIRST NATIONAL JAWBREAKER BANK OF EDDY."

The crowd of kids cheered as Eddy stepped out of his car and straightened out his white hat and suit. He casually strolled down a red carpet laid out for him to walk on. The crowd cheered him on as he walked up the stairs. He pulled out a giant pair of gold scissors. Across the doorway was a red ribbon. Nazz, a blonde girl about Eddy's age, gave him a microphone.

"Ladies and non-ladies," Eddy announced, speaking into the microphone. "I want to thank you all for coming to my new jawbreaker bank. The only advice I'd like to give you before I cut this ribbon is buy jawbreakers at my millions of stores across the U.S. and if you can't eat them right then, leave them at my new bank which I now declare…" Eddy held up the scissors and cut the ribbon. "OPEN!!"

The kids, jawbreakers in hand, flooded into the bank. Eddy was the last person in and when he entered the building, the crowd cheered again.

"Look, it's Eddy," some guy yelled.

"Let's go shake his hand!" another guy across the room said.

"People, please," Eddy said, grinning. "There's plenty of me to go around. I just gotta find a place to sit down." Eddy looked across the room and saw a throne with his name engraved across the top. "I guess this will have to do." Eddy sat down and began shaking hand after hand.

After everyone made their deposits, Eddy decided to check the vaults. He walked up to a security guard.

"My good sir," Eddy said, "I'd like to see inside my jawbreaker vaults now!"

"Sure, Mr. McRich," the guard said.

The guard walked up to a huge metal door with a large wheel with numbers on the front. The guard turned the wheel and opened the door and behind it was another metal door, this time with a key hole in the center. The guard pulled out a key and unlocked the door. Eddy's mouth watered as he slowly opened the door and looked inside the door. Jawbreakers from every country and jawbreakers of every flavor imaginable lined the walls.

"Are these all mine?" Eddy asked while in shock.

"Sure," the guard answered. "Take any one you want. These kids are such suckers these days. Jawbreaker bank, ha! This has to be your greatest scam ever, Mr. McRich!"

"Sweet, I have the cops on my side," Eddy whispered, rubbing his hands together.

"What was that, sir?" The guard asked.

"Uh, I said, fetch me a Polish jawbreaker, on the double!"

The guard ran outside the vault and returned with a large ladder. He propped it up against the left shelf and began to climb. Since the Polish jawbreakers were kept on the very top shelf along with all the other foreign jawbreakers, the guard had to climb to the very top to acquire the sugar-coated toothsome orb. The guard, unable to carry it down, dropped the round, bowling ball-sized candy down into Eddy's waiting arms. However, the guard made a slight miscalculation and accidentally dropped the jawbreaker on Eddy's head, forcing his white top-hat over his head.

"You idiot, get this thing off me," Eddy roared in anger as he struggled to pull the hat up over his eyes. The guard climbed down quickly and ran over to Eddy.

"Don't worry, sir, I'll have it off in a jiffy." The guard grabbed his nightstick and tried to pry the hat off with it, without much luck.

"Try something else," Eddy shouted.

The guard ran back outside. While he was gone, Eddy successfully popped the hat off his head, but the guard failed to realize this when he returned with a fire extinguisher. He aimed it at Eddy and sprayed him with white foam.

"That's it," Eddy screamed. "You're fired! Get out of my bank!!"

"But, sir, I was only trying to…"

"I don't care if you were eating donuts and watching cartoons! Get out of my bank, or I'll sue you for loitering!!" The guard sadly walked out of the bank and Eddy pulled out a copy of his schedule that Double D had made for him.

"Okay, next I have to visit my factory and see the progress the new mechanic has made since last week," Eddy said, skimming over his list. "Sounds good to me!"

And with that, Eddy put the jawbreaker under his hat, walked out the door, jumped in his car, and sped off, causing even more destruction as he pulled out of the bank parking lot. Eddy drove down the street, running another car off the road, nearly hitting a football-headed kid that was playing in the street, and taking out a fence.

"There it is," Eddy said when he saw a neon sign in the shape of his face. In the sign, his tongue was licking a jawbreaker. "Nice sign."

Eddy drove into a parking lot and ran over someone's bicycle, broke out the headlights of one of his employee's cars, and ran over a motorcycle. Waiting for him was a kid wearing a mouth brace around his head and a black suit.

"Good morning, Mr. Eddy," the kid said.

"Is that you, Jimmy?" Eddy asked.

"Yes," Jimmy answered. "Is something wrong, Mr. McRich?"

"No, Mr. Jimmy, I've just had a rough day. My butler, Double D, was running behind schedule and I had to fire a guard on the first day my bank opened!"

"Rough," Jimmy said. "That Briefs girl you hired to install those new panning machines did a marvelous job, Mr. McRich. She says that once she's finished with those machines, she'll work on the new layering machines next Thursday."

"Splendid," Eddy said. "I'd like to have a word with her."

"Are you sure, sir? Her work area is covered in oil and all sorts of filth! You'll ruin your suit!"

"Oh, well," Eddy replied. "I have a hundred more just like it at home. If I get oil on it, I'll just drive home and change."

The two of them walked into the factory. As they opened the door, the smell of hot sugar and machinery hit their faces. The sound of machines bellowing and workers carrying ingredients filled the air. The workers' faces were covered in melted sugar and candy dye and their work clothes were discolored and worn.

"Ah, yes, the sweet smell of money," Eddy said with a grin.

"I agree, Eddy," Jimmy said, "the smell of money is sweet indeed. Oh, and by the way, word on the street is you have a date tonight and she's the best friend of Ms. Briefs."

"I do? Oh, yeah! I almost, uh, forgot!"

"Changing the subject, I'm having a power lunch with the mayor tomorrow and I was wondering if you and your girlfriend would join us," Jimmy said.

"I don't think I have lunch plans tomorrow, so I guess I'll join you!"

The two walked deep into the factory until they came across a giant machine. Large bolts and oil littered the ground around it. The machine towered over all the others in the factory, and nearly touched the high ceiling of the factory.

"Excuse me, Ms.," Jimmy said, lightly tapping on the side of the mechanical monstrosity. "Mr. Eddy is here to see what progress you've made since three days ago." A head poked out from under the machine. "Ah, there you are, Ms. Briefs."

"Well, Mr. McRich, it would've been finished yesterday if your employees would've left me alone! You should've closed this part of the factory off! One of them tried to start the machine up when I wasn't looking, and…"

"And what, miss?" Eddy asked.

"And they did considerable damage. The rods are shot and the temperature control's circuits are fried, and it'll more than likely take me weeks to find a working one."

"Mr. Jimmy," Eddy said. "Please show me where the intercom is so I can take care of this problem once and for all!" Jimmy pointed to a microphone attached to the wall. "Thank you!" He grabbed the microphone, pressed a button, and a screeching noise filled the factory. "Attention all workers and staff! As you all know, I'm installing a new jawbreaker panning machine, and it has come to my attention that a few of you have been tampering with it before it has been deemed operational. I have authorized Mr. Jimmy here that if any of you goes within ten feet of Ms. Briefs' work, then you will be fired and told to leave work immediately! Have a nice day!"

"I will be sure to carry out your orders, sir," Jimmy said.

"Now, May," "Eddy said."I'm paying you a huge sum of money to finish this machine. I don't want anything else damaged on it. If any of my employees so much as touches this machine, tell Jimmy and he'll take care of it. And if you don't tell Jimmy, then I'll fire you and ask you to take your machine with you! Understand?"

"Don't worry, nothing will happen to your machine," May replied. "It's almost finished anyway; all I need to do is replace the rods and find a new temperature control box."

"Good. Just remember, I've given you all the time you've needed to design and build my machine and I haven't asked anyone else. If I were to decide that I could find someone smarter than you and could work with machinery better, then I would replace you faster than you could say 'cash'. Now get back to work! Time is money, and I _love _money!"

May returned to her work as Eddy turned around and started walking towards the exit. All of his employees glared after him as he walked by.

"That girl's work area blocks the way to the layering machines," a worker said.

"Yeah, now how are we supposed to get the next batch of jawbreakers out before they're over-layered?"

"He can't do this! I say we go ahead and do our job as normal, and if he fires us, we'll make Mr. McRich pay for what he's doing! We're already working in poor working conditions!"

Outside, Eddy climbed into his car and sped away, yet again, causing more property damage.

"I really need to learn to drive this thing better," Eddy said. "Nah, if I wreck the car, I'll just buy another one!" Suddenly, Eddy's car phone rang. "Hello, Eddy McRich speaking!"

"Hello, Eddy," Double D's voice said. "I'm sorry to bother you, but your date for tonight has arrived."

"Sweet! Tell her I'm on my way!"

"Uh, you might want to hurry! She's eating the portrait that was hanging in your room!"

Eddy's car came to a screeching halt. The other cars behind him collided with each other to avoid rear-ending Eddy.

"Not my million-dollar portrait!! Stop her, Double D!!"

"I tried, but she bit me. It was the most painful thing to ever happen to my arm."

"Hold on, I'm on my way!" Eddy floored it and sped away in his car.

Once again, Eddy knocked down the front gates to his mansion with the car. He drove through his yard and crashed into the huge fountain in front of his house. Eddy jumped out of the wreckage and ran inside.

Inside, it was a disaster area. Rolf's pet goat, Victor, was chasing Rolf around the mansion, paintings were soaked in drool, pottery was smashed, and a blonde teenage girl wearing a smiley-face t-shirt was standing in the middle of the mess, gnawing on a painting of Eddy. Suddenly, Eddy heard a loud bang from upstairs. Out of nowhere, Ed came sliding down the stairs on a sled.

"SKI PARTY A GO-GO!!" Ed screamed as he smashed into the wall behind Eddy, creating a huge, gaping hole. "Hot cocoa and potato salad!! Who's with me?"

"ME!!" The blonde girl yelled.

"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE!!" Eddy yelled.

"It wasn't me, Eddy," Ed said. "It was Victor!!" Eddy walked up to the girl.

"Carrie, you're too good to be eating something like this," Eddy said, taking the painting from her. "Which would you rather eat, this delicious caviar stuff I found in the kitchen, or this disgusting painting?"

Carrie looked at both, and without warning, she snatched the painting from Eddy's hand and took a bite out of it again.

"Carrie, stop! That cost me money!! If you're gonna eat something, eat Ed's smelly jacket!"

"But it's crunchy," Carrie answered.

"It's not that crunchy," Eddy said, yanking the painting out of Carrie's hands and throwing it over his shoulder. "We're going out to eat tonight. Double D, where are you?"

Double D walked in the room, his arm bandaged. Ed crawled out of the hole and Rolf finally caught Victor. Eddy looked at the three, disgusted.

"What's the cast for, Double D? Can't take a little bite?"

"But Eddy, have you even seen the teeth in Carrie's mouth!! I seriously think she files her incisors instead of her fingernails!!"

"Eh, you're just a wuss! As for you, Ed, no sledding in the house! Now take that thing around back and burn it!"

"But Eddy," Ed said, his eyes tearing up. "My favorite show is coming on and I don't want to miss it!"

"I said burn it, NOW!! And you, Rolf, get that mangy goat out of my house! I'm tired of it eating my shag rugs!! Double D, ready the limozine. You're gonna chauffer us around tonight." Eddy, Carrie, and Double D walked out of the door.

"The Ed-boy will pay for his insolence!" Rolf said. "No one separates the son of a shepherd from his livestock!!"

"And no one makes me miss my favorite show!!" Ed screamed.

"But what about your sled, Noodle-head Ed-boy?"

"I have plenty, Rolf. I keep them hidden under Eddy's bed!"

Meanwhile, Double D had already driven Eddy and Carrie out of Eddy's front yard. As they drove down the road, Carrie pressed a button on the door and the window rolled down. Carrie smiled and stuck her head out of it.

"Carrie, please don't do that," Eddy said, yanking her inside. "People are staring."

The two sat in the back seat of the limo for a while, until Carrie once again rolled down the window and then rolled it back up.

"Ha, ha," she laughed. "It makes noise! Listen, Eddy."

"Um, yeah! That's a cool noise, Carrie," Eddy lied. "But how about we talk instead?"

Carrie looked at Eddy, smiled, and said, "Nope! I'm busy playing with the radio!" Carrie reached in front of Eddy where the backseat radio was, turned it on, and started flipping through the stations.

"…_traveling through the desert on a horse with no name…" _CLICK!!

"_Raise your hands, all you nations…" _CLICK!!

"_Oh, and down he goes at the thirty yard line!" _CLICK!!

"…_partly cloudy with a chance of rain…" _CLICK!!

"Hey, I wasn't done playing with that," Carrie whined.

"I need to ask you something," Eddy said. "Where do you want to eat at? Money's no object! If you want, we'll eat at the most expensive place in town! What do you say?" Carrie grinned.

Five minutes later, the next thing Eddy heard was a voice that said, "Welcome to McDonald's! Can I take your order?"

"I want five Big Macs, ten double cheeseburgers, and a large coke!" Carrie screamed into the speaker. "What about you, Eddy?"

"_Why did she pick this dump?" _Eddy thought. "I just want a large tea…"

"Are you sure you don't want a Happy Meal?" Carrie said, poking him in the arm. "It comes with a free, um, plastic thingy that tastes good!"

"Carrie," Double D said. "That's the toy, and you're not supposed to eat those!"

"Well, you're driving under age, Mister Smarty-hat!!" Eddy snapped.

"Okay, I have your order," the voice said. "Please come around to the pick-up and get your meal."

Later, Double D had parked on a large hill overlooking the entire town. Carrie was stuffing her face while Eddy was pouting in his seat.

"I can't believe I went to stupid McDonald's for my first date," Eddy mumbled. "Hmm, maybe I can make a move that'll make up for not getting to go to an expensive restaurant…" Eddy slowly started to put his arms around Carrie's shoulders, when suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his arm.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Eddy screamed in pain. "SHE BIT ME!! GET HER OFF, DOUBLE D!!"

"Oh, dear," Double D said, rolling up a newspaper. He then smacked Carrie in the head. "Carrie, let go!" Eddy just screamed in pain.

"Hey, this stick in my mouth tastes good!" Carrie said as she bit down harder. Eddy yelped again. Double D grabbed a hamburger out of his sack and whistled.

"Carrie, go get the burger!" Double D opened the door and threw it outside. Carrie leaped out after it and devoured it on the spot.

"Am I bleeding, Double D?" Eddy whined.

"I told you she had sharp teeth! Well, I'm not sure what Carrie's been eating, but from the looks of that bite, you'll have to get a tetanus shot!"

"But-but, I hate needles…"

Later, after a trip to the hospital, the trio settled on a nice drive around town. Carrie had finished all the burgers and Eddy was drinking his tea.

"_I don't see how Ed put up with her," _Eddy thought. "_Well, then again, that probably explains why he doesn't touch her while she's eating…" _

Carrie suddenly looked at Eddy and said, "Food!"

"Yeah, food!" Eddy yelled. "You ate a million burgers, several of my Elvis CDs, and everything in the glove compartment!!"

"Food," Carrie exclaimed again, saliva dripping from her mouth.

"Aw, don't do that!" Eddy moaned. "You're ruining the upholstery! Hey, why are you looking at me like that?" Without saying a word, Carrie bit Eddy on the head. "Help, Double D!! I think she's trying to eat me!!"

"Carrie, that's so unsanitary!!" Double D screamed.

Double D pulled over to the side of the road, rolled up his newspaper again, ran around to the passenger side back door, and smacked Carrie in the head again. Carrie only bit down harder. Drool from Carrie's mouth oozed into Eddy's mouth.

"Ew, get her off, Double D!!"

"I'm trying, Eddy! C'mon, Carrie, let go! Please!!"

"_Well, at least I know why Ed keeps food in his pocket!!" _Eddy thought.

Finally, after some coaxing from Double D and a trip to the hospital for another tetanus shot, Eddy agreed with Double D that it was time to go home.

"Now, I _really _hate needles…," Eddy said, shivering.

"Well, I guess I'll take Miss Carrie home now, Eddy," Double D said.

"Yeah, I think that's a good…"

"But I don't want to go home yet," Carrie wines, interrupting Eddy.

"Fine, I guess I'll give you a second chance…" Suddenly, Eddy was cut off again by Carrie, who interrupted him by licking him in the face with her huge tongue, covering his face with a sticky coating of saliva. Eddy tried to wipe it off, but he only managed to get his arm stuck to his face. "_How could someone as good-looking as Carrie be so disgusting…" _he thought again as he walked inside.

"Okay, Carrie, here's a nice room for you to stay in," Double D said, opening the door.

Carrie walked in and looked underneath the bed; the bed only rose off the ground several centimeters.

"This is where I sleep? But how am I supposed to fit under there?"

"Uh, Carrie," Double D said. "You're supposed to sleep _on top of _the bed, not under it."

"But, I don't like sleeping on top! It's not comfortable!"

"But, Carrie, I don't think we have any beds high enough to sleep on except for Eddy's bed."

"Oh, no, after everything that's happened tonight, I'm not allowing…" Carrie ignored Eddy again, ran straight to his room, and crawled under his bed.

"Fine, she can stay under my bed," Eddy said with disgust. "She better not eat me while I'm sleeping…"

Eddy went into the bathroom, took a shower, put his pajamas on, and crawled into bed. He fell asleep after his head hit the pillow, and he stayed in a deep sleep for most of the night. However, he was awakened by a building pressure in his bladder later on in the night; all that tea he drank from McDonald's was finally getting to him! Eddy threw the covers off him and set his foot on he ground. Eddy started to run to the bathroom, when something tripped him. To his dismay, Carrie had grabbed his leg in her sleep. The pressure in his bladder increasing, Eddy tried to pull himself free from Carrie's grasp, but couldn't, for the harder he pulled, the tighter Carrie's grip became. An hour after he had first woken up, Carrie finally let go of his leg, and Eddy ran towards the bathroom. Feeling better, Eddy crawled back into bed and was almost asleep when…

"EDDY!! WAKE UP!! IT'S MORNING AND THAT MEANS IT'S BREAKFAST TIME!!" Carrie screamed at him. Eddy rolled over and looked at his clock; 6 A.M.

Carrie bolted out of his bedroom door and ran down the hallway. Eddy heard a few things break and heard a loud bang. Eddy groggily walked out of his room and to his astonishment, everything in the hallway was destroyed.

"STAY BACK, CARRIE-GIRL!!" Eddy heard Rolf scream from in the kitchen. Double D walked up to him.

"Um, Eddy, we have a problem," he said.

"I know, Carrie's destroyed everything in the hallway."

"No, it's not that. I think you better see for yourself…"

Double D pointed outside, and standing at Eddy's door was a huge crowd of people. Among them were rioting workers from his factory, policemen, angry property-owners, and the FBI. Eddy slinked downstairs and slowly opened the door.

"H-hello," Eddy said.

"Eddy McRich," one of the FBI agents said. "You owe the government of the United States exactly 5.8 billion dollars in unpaid taxes!"

"You owe the city 5.6 million dollars to pay for property damage!" A policeman said.

"You're being sued by the U.S. government for violating worker's rights!" Another policeman said.

Eddy slammed the door and ran upstairs. He went back in his room and began digging around in his closet until he came across a lava lamp. Eddy began rubbing it and Norm, the genie that granted him this wish, spewed out of the lamp.

"Well, if it isn't the short kid," Norm said. "What do you want now?"

Suddenly, someone bangs on Eddy's door. "Open up in the name of the law!"

"I want to make my last wish! I wish everything was back to normal!!"

"Whatever!" Norm snapped his fingers, and Eddy woke up in his normal room. Norm floated beside him, an evil grin spread across his face. Suddenly, someone pounded on his bedroom door.

"Hey, dork, open up so I can pound you!" Kevin yelled. Eddy also heard the voices of the other cul-de-sac relatives, and none of them sounded happy.

"Oh," Norm said. "I forgot to tell you, that they still remember everything you did to them while you were living out your second wish!"

"WHAT!?"

"Well, I'd love to stick around and watch the beating, but I have better things to do. Oh, yeah, and here's what you did to Sarah, Nazz, and Dorothy," Norm showed a picture of Dorothy with her feet cemented inside a pot and being dangled over the lake by a crane; a picture of Sarah being hit by Eddy when he was driving yesterday; and a picture of Nazz sitting at home with nothing to do. "Oh, yeah, and I also pulled some pranks and framed you for them!" Then Norm vanished.

"HELP!!" Eddy yelped as his bedroom door fell off its hinges.

"Okay, Dorky," Kevin said. "I'm gonna teach you not to make me look like a dork!"

"Eddy, you broke my comic book!" Ed said, holding up a torn comic book.

"You tried to drown me in the lake!" Dorothy yelled.

"I can't believe you destroyed Canada!!" Double D said. "Eddy, shame on you!!"

"Thanks to you, I had to put up with a cramped work environment!" May protested.

"I wasn't even in this story!!" Nazz screamed.

"And I want an ice-cream cone!" Carrie cried. Everyone turned around and stared at her.

"Let's tickle him until he wets his pants!" Johnny suggested.

"I have a better idea…" Sarah said, grinning evilly.

Later, Eddy was tied up and brought to the Park 'n' Flush Trailer Park. The kids set him in front of a grey trailer, knocked on the door, and ran off. The three Kanker Sisters opened the door.

"Hey, look, it's Eddy!" Lee Kanker said.

"Quick, let's get him before he runs away," Marie Kanker said.

"No!! Please!!" Eddy cried as the Kankers dragged him into their trailer.

"Have we got plans for you," the three said in unison.

"NO!! I'M TOO YOUNG, AND HANDSOME!!"

The Kankers cackled evilly as the kids walked home, satisfied with their revenge.

_**The ED**_


End file.
